TRAVEL OOH LA LA LAND
Fancy French trip is magnifique.
It is early on a summer’s morning and I’m in bedwear and flip-flops, taking a short walk back to our mobile home from the campsite convenience store.
Having made the very best use of my limited French, I’m carrying a big paper bag full of warm croissants and pain au chocolat and, with the morning sun on my face, I’m full of – how do you say? – joie de vivre.
Spoiling the serenity somewhat are my three excitable boys – Oscar, 7, Dylan, 3, and Alex, 2 – who have energy to burn.
As they run off up a path shouting, I offer a passer-by a cheery “Bonjour!”
“Alright mate?” he replies, chuckling. “Havin’ fun?”
Yes, we are. We’re having lots of fun.
We’re on day five of a stay at a Siblu holiday village at Bonne Anse Plage, a small resort on the edge of a pine forest just north of Royan in Charente-maritime.
The boys have clocked hours and hours swimming and whizzing down water slides. And, given the choice, I suspect they’d happily do it all day, every day.
But we decide to head out for some activities, including a trip to the excellent La Palmyre Zoo, just down the road, and Oleron, France’s second-largest island after Corsica.
Here we discover Plage de Gatseau, a beautiful stretch of beach with shallow water, which is almost deserted. It’s perfect.
We’ve based ourselves halfway down France’s west coast to increase our chances of sunshine.
It’s a long way to travel with a car full of kids – at least five hours direct from the Caen/ Ouistreham ferry port. So we’d arranged a couple of detours to break up the journeys – and hopefully create some unforgettable memories for the kids.
On the way out, our chosen stop-off is Futuroscope. It’s a relatively uncommercial theme park with an emphasis on 3D and 4D immersive attractions rather than roller-coasters.
While my wife takes our youngest two children to an infant-friendly Raving Rabbids ride and a screening of Ice Age: No Time For Nuts, Oscar and I head for Extraordinary Journey.
Strapped in with our legs dangling, we’re taken on a virtual ride around exotic locations, flying among birds and hot air balloons. It’s a good introduction, but far more thrilling is Arthur, The 4D Adventure, based on the Luc Besson movies, which sees us tearing through a fairytale world on the back of a ladybird.
The piece de resistance here, though, is Dances With Robots, a full-on ride in which you’re strapped into the palm of a giant robot hand, and then violently spun around and upside down in every direction.
But historical theme park Puy du Fou – our chosen stop-off on the way home – is even better.
Arriving late afternoon, we check into La Citadelle, a hotel from the Middle Ages which actually dates all the way back to… May 2017.
Entering the Grand Parc is a bit like setting foot on a giant movie set, with a cast of hundreds acting out set-pieces from down the ages.
We arrive just in time to catch the best attraction of the lot – Les Vikings. With
fires, explosions and, well, plenty of surprises, it’s all very exciting.
That evening we join a capacity crowd of 14,000 to attend the acclaimed weekend show, Cinescenie.
This is on a different scale altogether with more than 2000 actors. It’s basically an Olympics opening ceremony.
But pyrotechnics, fire effects, projections and lasers aren’t enough to keep our youngest two awake. Its start time is late for kids, and it’s a whopping 100 minutes long.
With batteries recharged, day two sees us dashing around to squeeze in as many shows as we can.
There’s the tale of King Arthur, medieval jousting, musketeer sword fights, chariot racing, gladiator battles and more. It is, simply, a history lesson our children will surely never forget.
After seven nights away, 1000 miles of driving and two overnight ferries, we arrive back in the UK on a Monday morning, happy but exhausted.
But, before home, there’s one final detour, to drop Alex off at nursery.
“Oooh, what did you get up to in France?” asks Kim, the receptionist.
“Nothing!” he replies.