MAGGIE CLAYTON LISTENS

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

I’m due to return to work in a couple of months after an extended period of maternity leave.

However, my son is only 11-months-old and I’d much rather stay at home with him.

Despite this, we need the money; the job I’m returning to is well-paid and I was always the main breadwinner in our family.

Me going back to work means we won’t be struggling to make ends meet as we are now, however expensive childcare turns out to be.

The problem is that I hate the thought of leaving our baby with a stranger.

It seems that every other week there is a story on the news about someone abusing children. I’d never forgive myself if something like this were to happen.

The situation is making me sick with worry.

Maggie says

I understand how anxious you must be feeling.

Plans made to return to work after the birth of a child seem relatively simple before the birth but once you have your baby things look very different.

This precious little child’s health, safety and wellbeing are paramount. You believe that no one can care or protect your child like you can.

Dear Maggie

My husband was an unfeeling brute, incapable of showing genuine affection to anyone and my marriage ended two years ago.

I swore I would never get involved with someone as cold as him again.

I’ve tried hard to find a man not afraid to show his feelings, but I’m still alone. None of the men I’ve been out with were as bad as my husband, nor did they show much in the way of feelings.

Is it too much to ask to find someone who shows they can care as well as be a friend and a lover?

I am so fed up with the whole process, I may simply stop trying. Maggie says

No, it’s not too much to expect a relationship that makes you feel secure and happy.

But you are faced with practicalities now and as you are the main breadwinner if, financially, you need to work, then you must take a long, hard look at how you can manage.

Childcare is expensive but if it’s a necessity then you have to accept that. Check out all the possibilities, see a variety of carers and your instinct will most likely tell you who you can trust, who you bond with and who you feel will give your baby the love and attention you want him to have.

I think you will know very quickly if someone is caring for your child and if you can feel confident that your son will be well looked after by this person.

Make a list of questions for the interview with the prospective carer. Listen attentively, look around their home, follow your gut instincts.

It will be hard for you to leave your baby with this person at first and it’s normal to feel tearful and anxious in the first weeks but, day by day, your confidence will grow when you know your baby is being well cared for.

Most people who choose childcare as a profession do so because they love having children around. So I do hope this works out for you and you find an excellent carer for your son.

That’s the whole point of being in a partnership – giving and taking, sharing good times and bad, being there for each other.

Perhaps you have been unfortunate in the men you have met. But don’t give up.

Somewhere out there is a man capable of making you happy. But remember it’s a two-way thing. Be warm, considerate, interested in how he feels and be prepared to take things slowly. Not all men are emotionally astute.

But just because the men you’ve met aren’t sensitive and able to discuss feelings, don’t write them off too soon. You may be surprised to find that when needed the quiet guys come good and can be supportive.

Don’t give up – keep looking – and who knows what might happen?