How do I get over the shock of seeing my darling husband pass away in front of my eyes?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

My husband and best friend of 30 years dropped dead in front of me and I don’t think I will ever get over it. The post-mortem exam revealed he had a condition that none of us knew about, and that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save him.

I was only 17 when I married him and he was my entire life. Now that he’s gone, I’m too scared to go out alone, so I just sit at home waiting for people to come to visit me. I know I can’t go on like this, but I’m so numb and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over his death.

Maggie says

Your letter touched my heart. Your sadness and sense of loss is so real and I know that everything must be raw and painful for you.

All I can offer in the way of comfort is to say – be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect to “get over” the death of your beloved husband easily or quickly. How can you? From your teenage years you lived together, grew up together and enjoyed a happy marriage, which is one of the greatest blessings any woman can have. Or any man for that matter.

Finding your life partner and creating a loyal and loving relationship is one of the most important achievements we will ever know. Treasure every special memory.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to do anything you don’t want to do right now. There are no “targets” to attain in the grieving process. If you want stay home to let people visit, that’s fine. If you feel like phoning a friend or family member to meet for coffee and cake – just do it.

The recovery process has no time limits. Every day is a little different. Some days you may feel more hopeful and have a spurt of energy.

Other days you may want to be alone with your thoughts. Go at your own pace. In time you may decide you’d like to take up a new hobby, or join a group activity. But for now, take each day as it comes.

As the spring unfolds, notice the changes in nature. Try to get out for some fresh air and a walk every day. Look around you. Perhaps your local charity shop would welcome an offer of help a few hours each week?

I have a friend who volunteered to be a dog walker for a neighbour and enjoys meeting up with the dog-walking fraternity in the park every day.

I hope as the weeks pass you will feel a little bit happier. The healing process takes time. Gently does it.