Son knows you did best

Dear June

I am writing to you as I lost my eldest son, Darren.

He left a little girl behind and unfortunately we are not allowed to see her.

Is he with my mum, dad and sister?

Please tell him how sorry I am that I was such a useless mum.

I love him. Can he forgive me? Sue, email.

June Says

It is an unfortunate circumstance to find yourself in after the loss of Darren.

Your granddaughter is a part of him and I understand your reasons for wishing to see her.

When someone we love passes away, we try to come to terms with the loss and understand the reasoning behind the death.

We all do this in our own time and way.

I do not feel your association with your granddaughter is totally severed but it will take time for grieving hearts to mend and a few bridges to cross.

When we give birth to our children, no one gives us a manual on how to be a parent.

We do the best we can and when we look back we all think (especially after the loss of a child) that we could have done better.

We think a mother’s love should be enough to fix everything in regards to our children and, when it isn’t, we chastise ourselves for being helpless or useless.

Your lovely boy is safe on spirit side with family and is not looking for forgiveness.

He knows you love and miss him and that you did your best.

Dear June

A few weeks ago, I was alone in bed and woke with a start as if someone was pushing me on the shoulder.

I turned to go back to sleep and my foot was nudged. I wasn’t imagining it as I got up and could still feel where I had been nudged.

I realised I had left the heating on all night.

My husband used to always make sure everything was off. Do you think it was him letting me know?

Does he know we have another grandchild?

Jane, Glasgow.

June Says

Your husband will undoubtedly know he has another grandchild as he will remain close to his family in order to watch over them.

He would have been watching over you that evening as you went about your usual bedtime routine, then noticed you omitted to turn the heating off.

By nudging you, he not only alerted you to your heating but also to the fact he is looking after you.

Knowing he is close brings great comfort as well as the confirmation he is OK.