Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

I’ m sick to death of my husband whinging about money. Should we just go our separate ways?

Dear Maggie

Every year my husband and I have the same row in January.

He complains that I’ve spent too much money at Christmas buying presents for our family and friends.

When the bank statement comes in, he makes a big fuss. I’m afraid that this year I’ve finally had enough of listening to his complaints.

Yes, I can accept that we’re a little bit overdrawn. But we’re not massively out of pocket, so why does he need to panic so much?

We will catch up in the next month or two. Surely having a good Christmas with our family matters?

I’m afraid that, for the first time in our marriage, I’ve actually thought – do I want this any more? Would we be happier living separate lives? That way we could do what we want.

Maggie Says

I understand where you are coming from. January is often a difficult month for people.

Money is tight, the days are long and dark, the Christmas excesses are over and we are faced with the reality of a new year and new challenges. So I would advise you that this is not the best time to make a life-changing decision.

Attitudes to money are important in every marriage. Some people are big spenders, while others are more prudent and careful.

But you and your husband clearly have been aware of your differences over the years.

So it’s no big surprise that you have had another row in the past couple of weeks.

I would ask you to think carefully about how you are feeling right now.

Yes, you are angry about being blamed for being extravagant but does that really matter so much?

You enjoyed shopping for others and giving them nice presents which they would have appreciated.

You were making the people you loved happy at the most giving time of year – take comfort from that. If your husband doesn’t understand, that’s his problem.

So try to let it go. In every marriage there are issues on which husband and wife will think differently. That will always be the case.

Give yourself a bit of time and space to think things through. Hopefully in the next few weeks, if both of you stop arguing about this, you will get to a place where you can resolve to move forwards.

I do hope it works out for both of you.