Maggie Listens

Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My wife and I moved into a new house 10 months ago. It’s an area where we had always wanted to live and we enjoyed decorating it and getting the garden looking good.

Our two children love having bedrooms of their own and I now have a garage for our car and a work shed in the garden where I can potter about.

The problem is our neighbours. They are a bit over-friendly for my liking. They frequently invite us in for drinks in the evening and sometimes for dinner.

I went along with this at first but, to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to get too involved.

My wife thinks I am being unsociable and she is always having shopping days out and lunch with the woman next door.

The situation is causing a bit of tension between us – what can I do to help her understand that I really just don’t want to spend too much time with my neighbours?

Maggie says

You have done the right thing by responding to your neighbours’ first moves to get to know you and your family.

However, if you prefer to keep your distance a little bit, explain this to your wife and hopefully she will understand where you are coming from.

Being on good terms with the people next door is important, but there is no need to overdo it and its time to have a frank and open discussion with your wife about how much contact you want to have with them.

It’s important to feel comfortable at home.

It’s your own private space and no one wants to be disturbed every minute of every day.

However, remember that your neighbours may simply want to make sure you feel welcome in your first few months in your new home.

Keep things positive and polite but don’t feel obliged to socialise with them more than you want to.

If your wife enjoys having lunch out with the woman next door – why not? But this doesn’t mean to say you have to be involved.

In marriage it’s important that we don’t lose our own personality and choosing the people you want to spend time with is a personal decision.

So I suggest you talk this through openly and honestly with your wife and hopefully both of you will understand each other’s point of view.

With a bit of compromise on both sides I think you will find a way through this.