Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s weekly diary

Dear Maggie

On my first day at secondary school I met Louise and we have been best friends ever since. Through every situation – boyfriends who broke our hearts, to moans about our college courses, our jobs, marriages and motherhood - Louise and I have talked out everything and supported each other in good times and bad.

Sadly, this year Louise was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went with her to all her hospital appointments and helped her in every way I could. Louise died last week and I am heartbroken.

Another blow came when her husband phoned to say that, because of the pandemic, numbers at the crematorium are limited, so I cannot attend.

I just want to be there to say goodbye, but I am not invited. This hurts and every time I think about it I can’t help crying. It’s bad enough losing Louise but not being able to go to her funeral seems so unfair.

Maggie says. Losing a close friend is heartbreaking.

I understand how much it would mean to you to be at the funeral of your best friend. But this cruel pandemic has caused many heartaches for people in ways they never expected.

All I can say is that on the day of Louise’s funeral, give yourself time and space to be alone, to think about her and all the happy experiences you shared. Look at photos of the good times, remember the things which made you both laugh and cry.

The friendship you shared was precious. Give thanks for that and try to think positively in the days and weeks ahead. Be there for her family if they want to talk, but everyone copes with grief in different ways - some need the support of talking to people, while others grieve quietly.

Be kind to yourself. You know that it’s what Louise would want.

Dear Maggie My husband and I moved into our new home three years ago and we have been very happy here.

The neighbours are all very helpful. We take in parcels for each other if someone isn’t home. On the day the bin lorry comes, a neighbour will wheel your empty bin back to the garden if you are out.

It’s always been a friendly place to live but six months ago the house next door was sold and the new tenants don’t seem to want to be part of this. They keep to themselves. I’ve invited them for coffee but they didn’t take me up on it. Every bonfire night we all get together to have a firework display and I invited the new neighbours but they said: “We don’t do fireworks”. How can I get them to realise that friendliness matters?

Maggie says Perhaps in their last home they didn’t have a happy experience with their neighbours and have made the decision not to get involved this time.

Or perhaps they just are a couple who are quite content to keep to themselves.

Whatever it is, the choice is theirs to make and you have to accept it. So by all means be polite and friendly when you meet, but back off inviting them to take part in socialising.

Perhaps in time they will change, - but don’t fret about it. Just continue to enjoy your neighbourhood your way.