Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s weekly diary

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have been happily married for 15 years and have two sons and a daughter. He is a lawyer and two years ago he set up his own small legal practice.

At the start I did the secretarial work from home but as his practice became busier he decided to hire two members of staff to help with the workload.

Over Christmas we all had drinks together over Zoom. Jenny, who does secretarial work, and Alan, who is a law student and getting some practical experience, are very pleasant and helpful young people. It was a good evening but for the first time I felt very uncomfortable when I saw the interaction between my husband and Jenny.

They shared jokes and it was clear they have the same witty sense of humour. She is an attractive girl in her 20s and the way they looked at each other made me feel very uneasy. After they’d gone I asked my husband if Jenny had a boyfriend and he laughed and said: “She has lots of friends but no one special.”

But I can’t stop thinking about the way she looked at my husband and the flirty jokes she made. I worry that something is going on between them. What can I do to cope with this feeling of panic?

Maggie says

I can understand how anxious you feel. There is nothing worse than wondering if the person you love is betraying your trust. So the first thing you must do is sit quietly and work out how you are going to talk to Peter about your suspicions.

Don’t go into it in attack mode. Try your best to stay calm and don’t accuse him of having an affair. Let him do most of the talking. Listen carefully and watch the expressions on his face.

After 15 years of marriage you will probably be able to read from your husband’s face what’s really going on. Is he avoiding eye contact? Does he look flustered and anxious?

Take this slowly and gently and hopefully he will be able to reassure you that there is no romantic relationship between the two of them. But if this isn’t the case and he says something is going on be prepared for how you will deal with this. Would you want to walk away from the marriage or would you be able to forgive him?

It’s one of the hardest things anyone ever has to do. It’s a big decision to forgive someone but it’s even harder to forget. Only you can make this choice.

I will be thinking of you and hope it goes well for you.

Dear Maggie

Every January there is a big row in our house when the bank statement comes in. As usual I spent way too much at Christmas on presents for family and friends and on food shopping for parties.

My husband rants on about how much we’re overdrawn at the bank. He enjoys the parties at the time but I get the blame now. It’s just not fair.

Maggie says

You are not alone. January is blame-game month when all the money we’ve spent, debts incurred, wrong decisions, come home to roost.

It’s too late to change things. So just admit you are overdrawn again, promise to do better next time or invite him to take charge of the festive season planning and spending next year. Good luck.