Aneighbour’sgossiphas hurtmeandmademecry... howcanifaceuptoher?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My husband and I moved into our home on a new housing estate earlier this year and I’ve made friends with the neighbours.

They have invited us to coffee mornings and to share the “school rota” which means we take turns weekly walking our own children and the children in our street to school.

It’s all been very friendly and pleasant until recently when I found out that one of my neighbours had been gossiping about me to another neighbour.

I was really hurt when I heard what she had said about me. A few nights ago I was crying about it and my husband told me I should face up to her and ask her what’s behind this. I don’t know if I can cope with that.

I hate the thought that somebody is judging me but how can I put an end to this tension?

Maggie says

It is very distressing to know that someone is gossiping about you behind your back.

If you feel strong enough to speak to her about this, then try to do so. If she apologises then it’s up to you to decide whether to accept that and hopefully, if you can, the two of you may be able to resolve the problem and form a better relationship.

If that doesn’t work, then all you can do is accept her decision and do your best not to dwell on it. Be polite when you meet but if she doesn’t want a friendship, that’s her loss.

I do hope you are settling into your new home and that you enjoy coffee mornings with the other neighbours.

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have a son and daughter who are both in their 20s and we are very proud of them.

Our daughter is married to a lovely man who adores her and he has fitted into our family so well. Our son, on the other hand, has had various relationships but none of them have lasted very long.

I have tried talking to him about this but he hates that and a few weeks ago it led to a full-blown row between us and he said I was to keep my opinions to myself and that it was his life.

I was very hurt at his attitude. It’s caused trouble between my husband and I because he can’t understand how I feel. All I want is for my son to be happy and secure in his emotional life. Surely that’s only natural?

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com

Maggie says

Clearly you are a loving, devoted mum and your priority is the happiness of your children.

But at this age and stage in their lives, you need to learn to let go and allow them to make their own relationships.

Your daughter is happily married so no worries there. But your son is taking a bit longer to settle down, and that’s OK, too. You just have to learn not to question him about his emotional life. When he wants to talk to you about that he will do so.

But please don’t force the issue, that will only irritate him and that’s not going to help.

It’s not always easy to know how to treat our children when they become adults.

But it’s what they want and need so it’s vital for the health of our relationship with them that we learn what works and what doesn’t.