Myhusbandandsonhadan argumentandhavestopped speaking. Whatcanido?

Dear Maggie

My husband Joe and I have been married for 19 years and have brought up our two sons and daughter and we’ve always had what I thought was a happy and rock-solid marriage. For some reason that changed this year.

Joe works for an engineering company and they didn’t get as many contracts this year as they normally do and this made him anxious because he wasn’t earning as much overtime.

I tried to help financially by putting on hold some of our plans to renovate the house and I’ve been more careful with money.

But his mood is still very low and the least little thing makes him tense and agitated. Even our teenage children have commented on “how grumpy Dad has become”.

It all came to a head a few weeks ago when he lost his temper with our son Tony, who had been out with his pals for a night, came home late and left the lights on overnight.

Joe went ballistic and now Tony and him aren’t speaking and the atmosphere is fraught.

I’ve tried talking to them and asking them to sort this out but I’m getting nowhere. What can I do to calm this situation? Maggie says

I know this must be difficult for a wife and mum who has created a happy home life for her family, but I suggest you stand back from the situation a little bit and leave Joe and Tony to sort this out.

I think you should say nothing more to either

Joe or Tony about this row. In time they will hopefully get tired of being tetchy with each other. If you interfere now it looks like you’re taking “sides” and that could add another layer of tension to the situation.

If either of them wants to talk to you, make time to listen and don’t be judgmental. Stay calm. Stay strong. Your husband and son both love you and need you so before too long hopefully they will become bored of living in a tense atmosphere and sooner or later peace will break out. Dear Maggie

I really enjoy my career as a secretary in an advertising company that helps businesses find the right material for promoting themselves in the best way to attract new clients.

It’s challenging and interesting work but the only snag is a new manager has joined the company and from the start I felt he was a bit over-friendly to me.

It was little things at the start. Comments about how “How I looked good in that blouse”. But then it moved on to personal questions about “Did I have a boyfriend?”. When I said “no” he came out with a corny line about “What’s wrong with guys these days?”.

It’s just become too much for me. How can I get him to back off and stop making personal comments to me?

Maggie says

Difficult I know. It may simply be the way he thinks a man should talk to an attractive young girl. Or he may have high hopes that you might some day respond to his cheesy remarks and he’s in with a shout.

But clearly that’s not what you want. So just be firm and don’t give him any information about your private life.

Hopefully this will show him you are not remotely interested in having a relationship with him.

If he persists and his attitude makes your working life difficult, you may need to report him to a senior manager.