I’m no scrooge, but every Christmas my wife spends far too much on presents
Dear Maggie
I don’t know if men write to an agony aunt but I’m going to try because I don’t want to discuss this problem with my family or my mates.
The thing is every Christmas my wife over-spends. She starts in November buying toys, clothes, books and gifts for our two sons, their wives and our five grandchildren, our parents and friends.
I put aside money to cover this, but every year we still get overdrawn at the bank.
I am really fed up with it. I have asked her to cut back a bit and she agrees to try, but she never does.
How can I get her to understand that I’m not a Scrooge?
I’m not against giving presents to people we care about, but just want her to keep within the budget.
Can you help, Maggie?
Maggie says
I’m sure you have talked this over many times with your wife and it must be frustrating that she simply isn’t listening.
All I can suggest is that you draw up a plan headed by the total sum of money you want to spend this Christmas and ask her yet again to stick to the budget.
Make it clear that if she goes over that, she will have to find the money herself.
Perhaps if you offer to go shopping for family presents with her, that might help. I know lots of men don’t relish that prospect, but why not try it this year?
Set the boundaries, go with her and try and enjoy the shopping day - perhaps even end it with a lunch out together at a nice restaurant.
I do hope this works for you both. Best wishes.
Dear Maggie
I’m worried about my mum.
She has always been the life and soul of our family. She cooked, cleaned, baby sat her grandchildren whenever she could, did voluntary work with a charity and has always been fun to be around – until earlier this year.
She now looks tired, doesn’t make an effort to entertain as she once did or to look as slim and trendy as she once did.
I’ve asked her several times if she is OK and she brushes me off, telling me to “stop fussing.”
I know that annoys her, but she is my mum and my best friend and I just want her to be honest with me.
Is that too much to ask?
Maggie says
No, it isn’t too much to ask.
You clearly love your mother dearly and are concerned about her wellbeing. Perhaps she is going through the menopause and what is a difficult time for most women.
There’s a tendency at times to lose energy, drive and confidence during what is termed “the change of life”
I suggest you talk to her alone – either at your house or hers.
Or would she be comfortable going out for a walk and a meal with you?
Choose your moment, introduce your concerns about her gently and listen without interruption while she tells you how she is feeling.
If she brushes aside your concern and doesn’t want to discuss it - then don’t press the subject this time. Wait until she is ready.
I do hope this works for you.