She was a princess in people. I miss her...
already become a bestseller. She wrote it because she was angry there was still so much ignorance around what remains a taboo subject.
“When something awful happens like the Westminster Bridge terror attacks, the drama is acknowledged but the lives of those involved will be affected for ever.
“The impact and their needs aren’t fully understood. There is research showing that 15% of all psychological disorders come from unresolved grief.”
As she feels telling stories is the most powerful way of getting a message over, the book is a collection of in- depth personal stories of those she’s encountered.
The first such home counselling session is seared into her memory.
She had just six weeks training when she set out to see Annie, in her late 60s and stuck in a run-down flat at the top of a damp high-rise block with no working lift.
“She had a boiling hot electric fire and never stopped smoking,” recalls Julia.
“Her daughter had been killed on Christmas Eve. There was the boiling heat, the smoke and her fury that her daughter had died.
“And also her fury that everyone was trying to stop her being sad. I was overwhelmed by how much love there was.”
Mum- of- four Julia, who is married to the Honourable Michael Samuel, says she knew then she’d found what she wanted to do.
The book tells tales about the death of partners and parents, siblings and children.
It also recounts the insight of those facing their own death,
Julia and Diana were close friends and the late princess supported the grief charity. sharing the moving words of a woman who wanted to be at peace with her death while everyone else wanted to avoid the subject.
“If it’s a sudden death, it really is grief with the volume turned up,” explains Julia.
“It’s like a hole is burned in you, it can be catastrophic. If you don’t have unanswered questions and are at peace with them then your grieving process isn’t so difficult, although you still miss them.”
But Julia admits spending all her time dealing with those bereft through the agonies of loss means the world views her differently.
“People look at me and the first thing they think of is death.”
While she has to keep strong for those whose loss is burning so deeply, there is no cool detachment. “I don’t think I’d be any good if I kept a defence. I’ve cried a lot and I’ve had nightmares. I fainted after one particular experience of seeing a young girl who later died.
“You can’t do this and have it not affect you, but you just have to find ways of supporting myself.”
Su p p o r t , t o o, comes f rom Michael, who she says gives her pragmatic words of wisdom when grim reality becomes too much.
“This has changed my perception of life,” she adds.
“Whenever I have a headache I think I’ve got a brain tumour. If I don’t hear from my children, I think they’ve been run over.
“There are so many ways to die and I’ve heard about all of them. My lens on life is warped.
“I take a lot of exercise, I do meditation and I do things that are positive. I want things that make me laugh. I want happy endings.
“And I kickbox. My teacher can’t believe how much I want to hurt him.”
Grief Works: Stories Of Life, Death And Surviving by Julia Samuel, Penguin Life, £14.99. Available from griefworks.co.uk For help and information on child loss, see childbereavementuk.org