‘My hubby’s just a slob. How can I cure him?’
Dear Maggie
Gradually, over the last few years, my husband has become a nightmare to live with.
He doesn’t have a care about our home anymore. He never makes the bed, leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, never clears his mug or plates away and seems to be blind to any housework needing done – other than putting the bins out.
He didn’t used to be like this and although I still love him, his mucky ways drive me mad.
I’ve tried cajoling him in a lighthearted way and even shouting that I’m not putting up with it anymore!
But nothing seems to shake him out of his slobbish ways.
Maggie says
Looks like you’ve tried hard to cope in many different ways with your husband’s change of behaviour.
You’ve tried humour, you’ve tried reasoning with him and finally you lost your temper!
But it looks to me that something else is going on underneath the surface.
Have your husband’s moods changed? Is there any chance he could be slightly depressed? Is he anxious about work or the family finances?
Some men find it difficult to admit their worries or talk them through. Whereas women can share their problems over coffee with a friend, men don’t like to lose face and admit how they feel emotionally.
I suggest you get out of the house together some weekend either for a long walk or a meal
Dear Maggie
Friends tell me someone in our social circle is spreading rumours about me.
He said I kept money from a kitty at the club we all go to.
I want to have it out with him but don’t want to get my friends into trouble for telling me.
Maggie says
Confront him and ask for an explanation.
On what grounds is he spreading lies about you? Be calm but firm and try not to raise your voice and get agitated. and talk about how you’re finding his change of attitude difficult to understand.
He may open up and talk about it or he may dismiss it out of hand as nonsense. He may decide to be a bit more thoughtful and helpful around the house which would be great – but there’s always the chance he won’t acknowledge his mistakes and carry on acting in the same slobbish way.
If this happens it’s time for a plan of action.
Leave his smelly socks and underpants on the bedroom floor. Leave his cups and plates on the coffee table. Don’t do his ironing for him. It’s a macho thing to put the bins out – all the men in the street where I live are on bin duty, but beat him to it and say nothing.
When he runs out of clean shirts and underwear he may wake-up and realise how foolish he is being.
Keep calm and carry on looking after your home because it’s clear to me you’d hate to live in a messy house – but anything that involves his clothes/toiletries/ home comforts/favourite puddings should be subtly withdrawn.
If you can’t win this domestic war with straight talk and negotiation – use some underhand tactics to shake him out of his lethargy. Decide to vacuum when he’s watching a football game. “Lose” the TV remote one evening. Don’t tidy the bathroom after him. Re-arrange his CDs or DVDs.
Hopefully, he’ll get the message.
Listen to him carefully and try to establish what’s behind his behaviour.
It’s also important you speak to your friends and inform them you have confronted him about these rumours but have not named any of them in particular for passing on this information.
You simply said to him: “It has come to my attention from various sources that lies have been told about your character.”
I hope this will bring an end to this unfortunate situation.
Be strong and believe in yourself.