My young son has fallen for a woman with kids but is he just being used as a meal ticket?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries. Dear Maggie

My son has got involved with a woman who has two kids.

He’s only 23 and it seems a lot for him to take on. The other day he told me the youngest child had asked if she could call him Dad.

The woman is nice enough, but I feel he’s already taking on quite a lot of responsibility.

Shouldn’t he be out living it up and enjoying himself with his friends instead of spending nights doing housework and helping the kids with their homework?

I’m worried she’s using him as a meal ticket and he’s taking on too much share of the responsibility.

I’ve tried to speak to my son about my concerns but he says he is happy and loves the kids. Maggie says

I can understand your concerns about your 23-year-old son taking on a lot of responsibility – but if he wants a relationship with this woman and is happy with her, you must stand back and let him make his own decisions.

He may prefer to be with her rather than out “living it up with his friends” as you put it.

Mothers do not always understand everything about their adult children. If he has fallen in love with this woman and he enjoys being with her and her children you must not criticise him – that way you are creating problems for your future relationship with them.

At 23 he is perfectly capable of understanding what he wants, who matters to him and what makes him happy.

As mothers, we often think no one “gets” our children like we do – but this isn’t always true. Very often they surprise us by taking a course of action we never expected. And quite right, too.

Think back on your own life and I suspect there were times when your parents didn’t always agree with your decisions. But you felt you had a right to choose how you wanted to live.

Give your son the same freedom and he will respect you for it. Keep an open mind on this one and get to know your son’s partner and make her welcome in your home.

If it works out and they have a permanent relationship it will be a happier situation all round. If it ends then he will know that it wasn’t because of you.

When our children become adults it’s all part of the learning curve of realising we need to stand back and let them choose their own path in life.

We may not think it’s the best thing for them – but please don’t run the risk of alienating your son by judging this relationship on your terms.

Stand back and see what happens.