is my husband ashamed of me?
My second husband has kept our marriage a secret from his kids. What has he got to hide?
Dear Maggie
Around 10 years ago my current husband and I had an affair that caused the break-up of our previous marriages.
Obviously this wasn’t without a lot of stress and hurt on both sides, but fortunately we’ve been able to rebuild our relationship with our families.
His ex-wife has remarried and now accepts me as a friend, for which I’m grateful. Things weren’t quite as easy with my ex-husband, but he’s now in a relationship again, so we cope quite amicably with issues around the children.
There are some members of my new husband’s family who still seem to resent me, but his children have always been fine – which is why my problem seems so odd to me.
The issue for me is that he hasn’t told his children that he and I are married. My husband has even managed to persuade their mother to keep the secret – even though she’s told me she doesn’t understand his reasons. What’s wrong with me? Is he ashamed of me? Maggie says
I find your husband’s attitude strange and completely unacceptable. You must feel very hurt by his refusal to acknowledge your marriage to his children.
I can’t think of any possible reason for his refusal to be open and honest about the fact you are his wife!
You must get to the truth of what is behind his denial of your marriage. On the surface there doesn’t seem to be any need for this strange situation.
But you cannot allow it to continue.
Even his ex-wife, now your friend, cannot understand it. Could there be some legal reason behind it – some insurance policies or financial matters that he doesn’t want to deal with or change? Whatever the situation, he is being dishonest with you, his children and his friends.
You have every right to be acknowledged and respected as his wife.
You must insist that he doesn’t dodge this issue.
Don’t be reluctant to confront him – it must be resolved and quickly.
I do hope he has the wisdom to understand he is treating you very badly.