I’m a mum of two. I’m stressed, overworked and feel like a failure. How do I learn to cope?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

My partner and I have two kids and I’m really struggling to cope.

The eldest is two and a half and the baby is ten months. Even though the older one goes to a playgroup there times a week, I still can’t cope with getting things done and I’m so exhausted all the time. So much so, that I have to ask my partner for help when he gets in from work, just so I can get food ready.

I barely manage any housework and the house is a tip. I feel I’m a failure as a mum and as a wife. Although I know my partner loves me, I’m sure he’s getting fed up of me being like this.

He must wonder what I’m doing all day (although he doesn’t say anything), and the truth is I don’t know! The days just drift by, and I feel as though I am going nowhere.

Maggie says

You are getting somewhere – you are caring for a lively young child and a baby and that’s a full time job in itself. At this stage they need lots of attention – and giving them that is more important than having an immaculate home. So please cut yourself some slack. You’ve had two babies within three years – it’s only natural that you are feeling exhausted, but this will pass. It might be a good idea to talk to your doctor and explain how you are feeling. Two pregnancies within three years can deplete a woman’s reserves of strength. He may suggest medication which would help you through this difficult time.

Then try explaining to your partner how guilty you feel about not being on top of things.

Don’t feel ashamed about asking him for help when he comes home – these are his children too and it’s only right and fair that he supports you in caring for them. It sounds from your letter as if he’s willing to help – so please stop feeling guilty about accepting that help.

By writing this letter you have taken the first step in trying to understand how you are feeling and what you can do about it. Now take the next step – and share these emotions with your partner. Please stop feeling a failure. You certainly are not. You are a loving, caring mother of two young children and trust me, in time you will feel stronger and better able to cope. You can do it – I know you can.