Family support is all-important

Dear June

My son in law died from bowel cancer in February. He was only 42 and had everything to live for. I always thought of him as a son. My daughter is devastated and my 15-year-old grandson is not coping either.

I feel totally helpless as to how I can help them.

Audrey, Edinburgh.

June Says

It is natural and common for those who hold the role of mum or mother-in-law to feel helpless and powerless at not being able to help and fix any problems or situations regarding those they love and care for. Watching over and caring for a loved one who is terminally ill is a heartbreaking situation that unfortunately many families find themselves in.

It is still very early days in the grieving period. You, your daughter and your grandson will have to grieve in your own ways but, in time, with the love and support of each other, you will all slowly learn to cope with the loss and will begin to gradually heal.

Your son-in-law will not be far away from you all and will find comfort and contentment watching his son grow up, in the knowledge he is being surrounded by strong bonds of family love. Being there for your family and supporting them through this sad time is the best thing you can do for them.

You might not think you are doing much but grief can be alleviated immensely when we know someone is there to help during the bad days when we find it difficult to cope.

Dear June

My younger brother passed in April. He was 78 and lived alone in his cabin in the Alaskan wilderness.

He was found by a State Trooper and had been dead for around four or five weeks. He emigrated to California with his wife and four sons but, after divorce, wanted to get away from everything. He loved the solitude and his sons visited frequently. He was fit, healthy, and we corresponded regularly. Did he die peacefully?

Frank, Carlisle.

June Says

To pass at 78 in a beautiful place where you felt contented and at peace, surrounded by the beauty of nature at its best, is something I feel most people would like to achieve at life’s end.

Irrespective of living alone in the wilderness, he wouldn’t have passed alone. A loved one from the spirit side would have been there with him. Though unexpected, I sense his passing was fast.

He latterly lived his life the way he wanted and I sense he wouldn’t have wished it to end in any other place.