My husband says not to make a fuss, but I don’t think we see enough of our grandchildren

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

Seven years ago, our only son met a lovely girl whom both my husband and I liked very much.

They were married a year later and now have two young children.

Our daughter-in-law went back to work recently and, although I offered to help look after the children, she said her parents wanted to do it.

So every morning she drives the children, who are two and four-years-old, to their other grandparents house.

She’s not home till 6pm every night and at weekends she says she’s busy with washing, ironing and cooking.

Our son brings the two little ones to visit on a Sunday afternoon and I look forward to that but I can’t help feeling we are missing out on a big part of the life of our two grandchildren. Is there anything I can do to persuade my son and his wife to allow us to see more of the little ones because I’m beginning to feel resentful that we’re losing out on their childhood and the other grandparents are being treated differently.

My husband says not to make a fuss – but I can’t help feeling we’re being sidelined.

Maggie says

Don’t blame yourself for feeling left out – it’s natural to want to play a bigger part in your grandchildren’s life. So why not arrange a time to sit down with your son and his wife an ask them if they could help make that possible? Be honest about your wish to see more of the children and, hopefully, they will understand that.

You could offer to share the child minding a couple of days a week and see if that would be welcomed?

Perhaps thee are practical reasons your daughter-in-law takes them to her parents house – is it nearer her work? There’s every chance that the other grandparents might be glad of the chance to share the child minding.

The important thing is to get this subject into the open and talked about freely.

If, however, your son and daughter-in-law decide to stick with the arrangement in place at the moment, why not offer some baby-sitting at the weekend to allow them perhaps to have a “date night” out together? They might welcome some time to talk together and relax.

Just be open and honest about this and hopefully they will appreciate your offer of help.

Working full-time and raising children makes for a demanding schedule for young parents and down time is hard to come by.

I hope it works out for all of you.