If being a stay at home mother works for my family, why should I be made to feel guilty about it?

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have three children under the age of ten. Our youngest daughter started primary school this summer and is settling in well.

I am absolutely fed up, though, with people saying to me: “So when will you be starting back at work?” I was a social worker before the children were born and I loved my job – but it is a very demanding career and right now I want to concentrate on our family. My husband backs me in this and we are both prepared to make do with less money coming in if we can give our young children time and attention.

I fully intend to go back to my work eventually, but right now I am just fed up feeling guilty about being a stay at home mum.

Maggie Says

I can understand how angry you feel about the expectations of people who think you should be furthering your career rather than doing what you want, which is to be a full-time mum.

Please don’t feel guilty about this. If you and your husband agree that you can manage financially without working, then that is all that matters.

Enjoy this time with your children because they won’t be young forever. The security of having mum at home is precious.

Children are extremely adaptable – they can cope with reality whether mum is working or is a stay at home mum. My mother had to work full-time because my dad died when I was five years old, and so I went to a neighbour’s house every morning before and after school.

I didn’t particularly like that, but it was a necessity. When I had my own children I stayed at home for a few years but eventually went back to work.

There is no hard and fast rule about this issue and it’s important not to let other people’s judgements cloud the issue.

Talk frankly with your husband about this and think carefully about what you want.

Don’t feel you have to meet other people’s expectations of how you live your life. Whatever decision you make, remember that this is your time, your family and what works for all of you is what really matters - nothing else.