Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly six months and we have a great relationship – or so I thought until just recently when the subject of politics became a problem.

We agree about most things and on the things we don’t, we are both willing and able to compromise.

But our first ever disagreement was over Brexit. He voted to Remain and I voted to Leave.

He tried hard to influence me but I wasn’t for budging. And now that there’s going to be a general election in December, he never misses a chance for telling me his views and trying to convince me that I am wrong for thinking differently.

I have asked him several times to let it go and there’s no reason why we have to share the same political views, but he frequently brings up the subject. Quite honestly I am getting irritated and bored with it.

But am I being stupid for letting politics spoil what is otherwise a really good relationship?

Maggie says

You are not the one who is creating this situation – he is.

You are quite prepared to let him have his point of view and all you are asking is that he respects that and allows you to think and vote for the political party of your choice.

That is perfectly acceptable and if he can’t understand that, then I would be wary of how controlling he really is?

In every relationship there needs to be enjoyment of characteristics you share and tolerance for those you don’t. We are all, as individuals, entitled to have our own thoughts and feelings and allow others to have theirs.

If you allow him to take away that freedom now, it’s possible that he could become even more controlling in the future.

So I suggest you talk frankly to him about this subject and make it clear that while you would enjoy sharing your opinions, debating them is one thing – but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will change them.

If he is aware of that now, then you are paving the way for a future where both of you can both be frank, free and strong minded, but respectful of each other.

As the French say, vive la difference! Good luck.

Why won’t he listen? Dear Maggie

My husband and I have three lovely girls aged eight, six and three. Now that two are settled into school and the youngest is to start nursery, I would love another baby. It would be wonderful if we could have a son, but my husband thinks financially it’s not a good idea and there’s every chance it could be another girl.

I know that makes sense, but I also know I’ll regret it if we don’t have another baby. Why doesn’t he listen?

Maggie says

He

could retaliate by saying – why don’t you listen to him?

This is a practical and emotional problem and I think the only way to do it is to talk it through honestly. Are you absolutely sure that you want another baby for itself irrespective of whether it’s a boy or a girl? I think you have to consider your husband’s view on this and he clearly feels the family is complete.

So I think a full and frank discussion about the situation is absolutely necessary.