After 15 years of marriage, myhusbandleftme- howdo I get my life back on track?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My husband and I got divorced in November after being married for 15 years.

I’d suspected for some time that he wasn’t happy and, at first, he denied it. But I knew in my heart his feelings for me had changed.

Eventually, he admitted that he had fallen for a woman he works with and he thought we should separate.

He agreed to let me have the house.

I was heartbroken. This first Christmas on my own has been difficult and I’m afraid there is nothing for me to look forward to in the years ahead. I know this sounds pathetic, but I just don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this, and what can I do to get my life back together again?

Maggie says

You don’t “deserve” this, but the fact is your marriage is over and you have to accept that, hard though it is.

The first year after a divorce is difficult as you try to adjust and adapt to a new way of living which wasn’t your choice.

But the reality is your marriage is over and you must learn to adapt to life on your own.

You have the house you both shared and you can decide either to settle where you are or sell it and move on. Whatever happens, you need slowly and steadily to accept what has happened and not to cling on to any bitterness, which will only bring you down.

At the start of this new year, try setting yourself little challenges and goals. Perhaps you could consider re-decorating the house? Are there any local evening classes which might interest you? What about planning a holiday in the summer with family or friends?

Would you think about doing some voluntary work for a charity? Even if it just involves one evening a week, it gets you out of the house and gives you the opportunity to meet new people.

Re-building your life after a divorce takes courage and, right now, you feel you don’t have any, but don’t give in to that negative emotion.

You are stronger than you think.

If you believe in yourself, you can get your courage and optimism back and look forward to planning a future which will bring the contentment you deserve.

Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping 2020 is the start of happier times.