A RAMMY ATTRA RAFFLE
Writer behind some of Scotland’s most famous comedy Yiz ur winchin’, an’ it wiz a cinch she’d get the best prize
There was even more excitement than usual in the Okeydokey Club when Fred and his Band of Boogie Woogie Bachles discoursed the impressive fanfare that heralded the appearance of Wee Andy, MC.
As the eager throng milled round the front of the band platform, they held in their hands numbered tickets that had been issued to them as they paid for admission to the Grand Lucky New Year Carnival Dance.
The expression on the face of the Master of Ceremonies was especially benign.
“Ladies and gents,” he began. “I trust that each and every one of youse have been gave a ticket with a number thereupon it. On certing of them tickets is a lucky number. Now, the holders of them tickets will be the reciputents of magnificent prizes. So, without no furder procastronation, the lucky numbers will now be drew by me from the box you see fornent me.”
The draw began at once. One young lady received a compact. A gent was handed a packet of 10 cigarettes.
Big Ella, a large damsel, found herself the winner of a remarkably small headscarf. “That’ll never cover hur big bawheid,” came the loud comment from Rita the Critic.
“Ah’ll cover that big mooth o’ yours wi’ ma haun’!” called the outsized young lady.
“Ladies! Ladies!” cried Wee Andy in shocked tones. “Kindly do not forget to remember that the season of goodwill isn’t not yet terminiated. Do not let us have no more adiposity.” The draw proceeded, Rita looking on somewhat grimly as her number failed to come up.
Suddenly the Master of Ceremonies beamed with increased pleasure. “For the holder of this number,” he exclaimed, “there is nothing