Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s advice column

Dear Maggie

My husband and I married six years ago and, as his dad had died four months earlier, we decided to buy a house in the same village where his widowed mum lived.

At first it worked out really well and my mother-in-law came round to our house for dinner a couple of nights a week and, when I had tradesmen in doing work at our house, she would come round to supervise them while I was working.

When I realised I was pregnant with our first baby, she was really kind. She popped round every day to see if I needed anything at the shops and, when I had morning sickness, she was always there to lend a helping hand.

After our baby son was born I don’t know how I would have coped without her. She came round every day to take him for a walk in his pram so I could have an afternoon nap. She helped me with shopping and housework and encouraged me to have a routine which worked for me but also allowed me a bit of time to myself.

I felt very lucky to have such an understanding mother-in-law.

But all of that changed after a conversation when I told her that I had plans to go back to work after three months. “How can you possibly leave your baby in a nursery?” she said. “We need two wages to pay our mortgage,” I said.

She offered to help us with a loan but I explained I enjoyed my job and didn’t want to lose it.

Later she spoke to my husband and he explained to her that I hadn’t planned to be a stay-at-home mum. There’s now a coolness between us and I don’t know what to do about it. Maggie says

Have you considered asking your her to help with child-minding?

Clearly she wants to be involved in your son’s childhood and even if she only looks after him for a few days a week and he goes to nursery for the remainder of the week, this might a compromise which would work effectively for all of you.

As a first time granny she clearly wants to spend time with her grandson and this might be the answer. Dear Maggie

My husband has worked in the same office for more than 12 years and he enjoys his work, but in the past few months I’ve begun to notice a change in his behaviour.

For the first time in his life he has gone on a diet and has already lost two stones. He has started to buy new clothes for himself and once a week he now goes out with his colleagues after work. I found a new bottle of after shave in the bathroom last week. Maybe you’re thinking I’m imagining things, but I just have a horrible feeling that he is attracted to someone at work and wants to impress them.

I feel very anxious about this. Maggie says

You can ask him a direct question or you can be more subtle and suggest you’d like to join him for dinner one night with his colleagues. If you do go, look your best and carefully observe the reaction between your husband and other members of staff. As women, we are quite shrewd at picking up on how things stand emotionally between people.

I do hope your fears are unfounded.