Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s advice column

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

Our son graduated from university this year with a first class honours degree in law and for my husband and I it was the proudest day of our lives.

He was offered a job with a large legal company in Edinburgh but we were totally surprised when he told us he had decided to take a year out to go travelling before he settled down to a career.

My husband and I have tried to talk to him about giving up such a good opportunity for his future career but he is adamant that travelling is what he wants to do.

I know I will worry all the time he is away. Is there anything I can say or do to make him change his mind? Maggie says

I think you know in your heart that there is nothing you can say which will make your son change his mind and I think you simply have to accept that.

He is an intelligent young man and after years of studying he wants to take some time out for himself to travel before he settles down to a career.

Please try to understand that and respect his wishes. If you can do that it will mean a lot to him and it will strengthen the strong bond you already have.

Let him go with your blessing and keep in touch with regular phone calls and both your son and you will feel happier than if he leaves feeling he is in some way letting you down,

He has his future ahead of him and, as a parent, I know its hard to let go and see your children making choices which you think is not in their best interest but that is all part of the growing up process.

I do hope he enjoys travelling and that you can accept this with a positive attitude.

Dear Maggie

I don’t know if men write to an agony aunt but I am going to try. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have twin girls who are now seven years old.

My wife went back to work for an engineering company when the girls started school.

Over the past year she has changed in ways I don’t understand. She goes out twice a week with colleagues from work. She spends a lot more of her salary on clothes, make-up and perfume. When I question her about this she says it’s her money and she wants a bit of independence. I can’t help thinking that maybe she is having an affair with someone at work. This is very hard for me to cope with. What can I do? Maggie says

I know this is a difficult situation but you have to stand back from the situation and believe what your wife tells you. She has spent years at home bringing up twin girls and now she is back at work enjoying adult company and treating herself to clothes and perfume with her own salary.

It’s only natural that she is feeling happy about having a bit of financial independence. Don’t spoil that for her. If she wants to have a night out occasionally with colleagues, that’s understandable.

How about organising a babysitter once a week and taking her out for dinner so you have time and space to talk?

All relationships change over the years and we have to adapt to the different stages which are part of living together.

Think positively and make her feel secure and happy.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com