My daughter has a brilliant career opportunity but wants togo backpacking instead

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

My daughter graduated from university this summer with a good degree in law and was offered the first job she applied for with a legal firm.

My husband and I are so proud of her but we were totally surprised a few weeks ago when she told us she has decided to “take a year out” and go backpacking round the world with her boyfriend.

He’s a nice lad and we do like him but we just can’t understand why she wants to turn down the career opportunity offered to her to go travelling. He’s not an ambitious person and has been in several jobs since we’ve known him, so we’re hoping she doesn’t throw away this good opportunity for her legal career to go backpacking. What future is there in that? Maggie says

As a mother I can understand that what you want most for your daughter is an opportunity to make a career for herself.

But try to remember what it felt like to be her age and to want a bit of freedom.

Travelling with her boyfriend for a year gives her the chance to get to know him better, to see the world together and, with her good qualifications, there is every chance she will have no problems finding a career when she returns.

She is a young woman who has the time and freedom to make her own decisions about what she wants and if her choice is to take a year out, try to find it in your heart to support her and show an interest in her venture rather than making it a divisive problem.

Letting her go with your blessing will mean a lot. It will strengthen your relationship if she leaves feeling happy.

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years and we have a lovely home and two sons who are the pride and joy of our lives.

Our oldest has a good job with a company which specialises in scientific research. Our youngest never had the confidence of his brother and he has changed jobs several times and been in and out of relationships.

He told us this week that he has decided he wants to set up his own business and needs financial help to do so. My husband thinks this is not a good idea and wants him to set out a business plan so we can see exactly how he will use the money we give him. I’m frightened his attitude will only make our son feel inadequate.

Maggie says

I know from your letter how much you love and trust your son but I think your husband is right to expect him to be specific about his plans for his business.

So back your husband and I suggest you sit down with Tom to talk through his ideas and ask him to write a business plan. Once you have read it carefully you will both have a better idea about what he wants and can decide whether you to invest in this or not.

If he went to a bank they would ask for nothing less. Just remember that you and your husband have worked hard to save your money. Gifting it to family in their lifetime for their use, often makes more sense for parents than waiting till they die.

That way you can enjoy seeing the positive difference it makes to the lives of your family.