My husband wrongly thinks my job is less important. how ca ni make him understand?

Dear Maggie

For 15 years I was a stay-at-home mum while my two sons and daughter were growing up. This arrangement suited my husband, who worked lots of overtime and sometimes had to travel to meetings all over the country.

But once my children were in their teens I was lucky enough to return to teaching part-time. I love my job and the extra income meant we could, as a family, enjoy holidays abroad every year, and build an extension to our home.

But, despite this, I’ve always had this feeling that my husband doesn’t take my job seriously. He sees himself as the breadwinner and the provider and my job is less important.

This irritates me but if I bring up the subject he just shrugs it off.

How can I get him to understand? Maggie says

What you are experiencing sadly isn’t unusual. Many men have been brought up to believe they are the breadwinners and providers in a marriage and their wife’s career takes send place.

This was the way in the past but today in the 21st Century, women share the financial burden of paying the mortgage, buying the furniture and food, running the car, planning and paying for family holidays. This financial equality is appreciated by our partners but also somehow it can make them feel a bit inadequate.

So try to understand how your husband feels but realise at the same time that your contribution to the family budget is important and enables all of you to enjoy a better standard of living – whether that’s paying for summer holidays or getting the house re-decorated.

Make the most of it and I’m sure your children who are growing up in a home where the two parents share the financial burden, will learn that the combined efforts of mum and dad are important in a modern marriage.

You are giving your sons and daughter a good start in life and they will appreciate that as they grow older and value the happy home life you have helped create. Dear Maggie

I want to book a family holiday abroad this year but my husband thinks its too early yet to be sure that foreign travel will be back to normal after all the problems caused by Covid. He suggests we have a holiday somewhere in the UK but I am just longing for sunshine in France or Spain and I want him to understand we deserve it after all the endless months of isolating and going nowhere.

It’s caused several rows between us. Is there anything I could say which might change his mind? Maggie says

It sounds as if his mind is made up. So don’t hold out hope that he will think differently. You could suggest a female trip to the sun with some of your friends and hope that they’ll be up for that. But for family peace I’d book a staycation in the UK this summer. There are lots of interesting places to visit that you would all enjoy.

And why not suggest a female trip to the sun with some of your girlfriends and hope that they’ll be up for that? Good luck.