Lack of attention by parents can be so damaging to our kids as they develop

A survey by the NHS has shown a frightening increase in poor mental health among very young children.

More children aged six to 10 are being seen for mental health problems than in any adult age group.

The rise in their mental health problems is also faster than in any adult age group. Nobody knows the causes – Covid lockdowns, poverty, cuts in council support for problem families have all been cited as contributory factors but the truth is we don’t know.

I believe we need to treat this issue, alongside the increasing levels of stress and anxiety in teenagers and young people in their 20s as a national emergency. If children can’t cope with primary school, how will they cope with life? NHS surveys have found that “behavioural disorders”, including hyperactivity, are the most common problem in boys and “emotional disorders” most common in girls.

Of course, we need to distinguish between behavioural problems in boys which are medical issues and bad behaviour.

But, over the last week, I have been astonished by some terrible behaviour I have witnessed in very young boys, including toddlers, and their parents’ failure to control them. And I am sure that being permitted to behave very badly cannot be good for a child’s mental or physical health.

I have been staying in hotels in the UK on a little holiday and, because of a leg injury, have spent most of the time sitting in the lounge areas, coffee bars and restaurants of hotels.

At times, I have had to move my seat because of the appalling behaviour of little boys, their parents just ignoring them or looking helpless. When I was the mother of a toddler, I was sometimes embarrassed if she started yelling ,but some toddlers I watched on this recent holiday, yelled their way through whole meals, banged everything in sight, and even threw things and their parents didn’t even tick them off.

I was not the only older adult who felt troubled. These boys were not denied anything. With slightly older children, I noticed on several mornings that rather than being given one dish to eat, they were permitted to take a bit of everything, pick at it and then leave half-eaten cereal, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, sausages, yoghurt. They were not required to choose what they wanted. When I say they were not denied anything and could have it all, I am not telling the full story. What they were denied was the attention of their parents. The worst example was a sad family who sat next to us at dinner in the poshest hotel we stayed in. They appeared content but they had no interaction with each other during their meal. The little boy sat playing a game throughout, the mother was on her mobile phone most of the time and the father just stared into the distance. We were paying so much for our dinner that we paid it very close attention indeed, but they might as well have been in Mcdonald’s with complete strangers.

I did see genuinely happy families – playing cards and board games together, running in freezing and laughing after a swim in the cold sea, talking to their grannies in big family groups.

The major concern about young boys that is being highlighted currently is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. What I witnessed was attention deficit.

The little boys were suffering from a deficit of parental attention and control and the disorder was in the parents. We should teach basic child psychology at school so future parents understand the importance of talking to children.

Dorothy Byrne, former head of news at Channel 4, is president of Murray Edwards College, Cambridge