#Mentoo? Men can be also victims of sexual assault and it’s time we listened
Kevin Spacey is a brilliant actor and a double Oscar winner who has inspired many thousands of young men over decades and who almost singlehandedly rescued the Old Vic Theatre in London.
Last week, in a television series of which I was one of the executive producers, he was also revealed to have behaved in sexually inappropriate ways towards young men over several decades. Ten men went on-screen, speaking to camera, to talk about the deeply unpleasant experiences they suffered.
I believe those men are themselves inspiring. They have dared to speak about a problem which is generally ignored and sometimes the subject of sniggering and mockery. No decent person would any longer laugh about a woman being groped or turn a blind eye if they saw inappropriate behaviour towards a woman at work. But men’s experiences of this sort are barely spoken of. It’s time that changed. Men too need their #Metoo moment. What I discovered in the making of these programmes was how similar men’s feelings are to those of women when they experience this sort of behaviour. The men we talked to said they felt denigrated, humiliated and “small”. Two of the men were former marines whose friends said later that they would have punched any man who committed those acts. But these men said that, on the contrary, they felt so shocked and vulnerable that violence never struck them. They also felt a great sense of disappointment because Spacey had indicated he thought they were talented actors and he could potentially help them with their careers. Afterwards, they felt stupid and ashamed.
All those emotions are so familiar to us as women. Several times in my life I have thought: “How did I get myself into this situation? How utterly stupid I have
Kevin Spacey after his acquittal last year.
been!” Then I have had to remind myself that it is not me who should be ashamed, it is the shameful man.
One of the men we interviewed, who was just going about his job in the theatre when he was touched by Spacey, said someone had commented afterwards: “Lucky you!” He asked if anyone would say that to a woman.
As women we have suffered this sort of behaviour from men, so we should be leading voices in standing up for men. Where workplaces have policies against harassment, employers should make clear those policies apply to women and men and encourage men to speak out too. We should never turn a blind eye and never joke about behaviour like this just because it involves two men.
I have learned that young men may be physically stronger than young women but they can feel just as shocked and upset as young women.
Last year, Spacey was acquitted of sexual assault on three men.
In response to the allegations in the films, Spacey said he had been provided with insufficient time and detail to respond to the testimonies.
He said: “I have consistently denied – and successfully defended – numerous allegations made both in the US and UK, both criminal and civil, and each time have been able to source evidence undermining the allegations and have been believed by a jury of my peers.”
Dorothy Byrne is a journalist and commentator