Daft names are just not a-mew-sing
MR MEW. This is not, as you might think, the name of a character in a lesser-known George Formby song, but is the name of Liz Hurley’s cat.
I discovered this in an article in which she movingly described the trauma of losing Mr Mew and the joy of finding him again.
What a roller-coaster 20 - second- read that was!
But once I’d got over my relief at the recovery of Ms Hurley’s “beautiful pussycat” I found myself wondering what kind of grown adult would give a cat such a ridiculously cutesy name.
Then I remembered that Liz is a middle-class woman from the fluffy south with ambitions to be an actress, and therefore exactly the kind of person who would do such a thing.
One day, I’ll wager, she’ll write a children’s book about the adventures of Mr Mew, one which will be published with those hard, plastic-film-covered pages so that the child’s sick – and possibly that of the parent forced to read the enchanting tale to their offspring – can more easily be wiped off.
Of course, it’s not only the semifamous posh who project their personality defects onto their pets. Low-born bullies with Alsatians
‘ What about the animals? They have rights as well
called Prince are equally in need of psychological counselling and/or a hefty slap on the back of the legs followed by a lifetime’s incarceration in a small alcove on Rockall, shared with a gannet who likes his personal space.
And what about the animals? They have rights, and dignity is surely one of them, so naming a fierce predator Tiddles should have the owner up before the beak at the European Court of You’d - Swear- They - Were - Almost - Human Rights.
But since we refuse to be told what to do by Europe any more perhaps we’d be happy to let our new 100 per cent British government tell us what to do by simply drawing up a list of approved names – or, even better, numbers – for pets.
Wouldn’t you love to sit at your window, listening to the plaintive call of next-door’s cat-owner echoing through the summer dusk – “Come in Number 23”?
People would no doubt say this denied them the right to be creative.
But with rights come responsibilities – and who would really want to be responsible for creating Mr Mew.