Beware of robots with cute pink axes

ROBOT WARS (BBC2)

IF you don’t watch Robot Wars already, you really should.

It could save your life – or possibly the entire human race.

For what appears at first to be harmless entertainment is clearly a testing ground for the terrifying metal beasts that will one day become our masters.

It’s only a small step from chuckling at a trundling box with a malfunctioning mallet to having your door kicked in by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s merciless titanium skeleton.

Of course, the robots are just doing the bidding of their creators: The Geeks.

I love the geeks on Robot Wars. They are perfect examples of the Great British Eccentric. People who devote months to building steel tea chests with wheels that will be reduced to scrap in a matter of seconds on national TV.

Last week I was pleased to see a wee gang of Scottish geeks. Their robot was called Overdozer . . . and it was made of wood rather than metal.

It didn’t end well – though I hear they’re doing a roaring trade in kindling back in Falkirk.

Their opponents included a pair of brothers who were so wonderfully nerdy they couldn’t grasp the basics of cheering or high-fiving, and an annoying bloke who should have been launched head-first into the pincers of a “house robot”.

There was also “Glitterbomb”, a delightful pink robot designed by a cute nine-year-old girl.

It would have been sweet . . . if it hadn’t been for the horrific four-foot pneumatic axe on top – perfect for cleaving puny human skulls asunder.

When the robo-apocalypse comes, if you see pink – RUN!

Of course, if the robot hordes are made in Falkirk, just make sure you have some matches handy and you’ll be fine . . .

Olympic Breakfast (BBC1) had me drooling. That’s because in my book an Olympic Breakfast should be a plate piled with vast mounds of sliced sausage, bacon, beans and tattie scones.

Sadly, it was all about sport.