Sis will never let you down Dear June

I READ your column every week and I’m impressed at the comfort and peace of mind you give people.

My sister Frances (Fran) passed away recently and I need to know she is safe and happy.

The pain and devastation I feel does not seem to get any less. I miss her so much.

Mary, North Yorkshire.

June Says

As we progress in years, we watch as many older friends and relatives pass away and realise, one day, we will also move on.

It’s only then we truly appreciate how precious our close family is to us.

Up until that moment, most of us will have taken life and family relationships for granted until faced with an illness to one of them.

The loss of your sister will have brought forward many childhood memories to reaffirm the bond and connection you had.

Memories like these are a large part of the grieving process and during the early days of your grief it is normal to feel pain and devastation, but please be assured it will get easier.

I get the impression Fran was a strong character who was protective of you and other family, but was also a leader who very much led the way in life.

She stands with another two ladies on spirit side who I sense passed quite some time ago.

They have closed ranks around you in an effort to alleviate the pain and anguish you are feeling.

Always the protective sister, Fran was someone you could depend on and even through death she will never let you down.

June Says

We feel helpless having to stand back and watch a loved one with long-term ill heath deteriorate.

It is heartbreaking to know nothing can prevent their death and all that is left is to be there to offer reassurance, love and support.

We all like to think we did our best but nearly everyone questions themselves later.

Your husband’s children were also helpless bystanders as they watched their dad slip away.

Grief is responsible for a huge part of the behaviour that follows, as sometimes those who had no choice but to stand back and watch feel the need to blame someone.

These feelings are all connected to the grieving and healing process and will gradually become less raw.

I get the impression your husband was private and uncomfortable with open discussions on personal and business levels and there were a few unexpected discoveries in his personal files after he passed.

Although I feel both families got on well I don’t feel a close bond between your husband and his children.

I sense a distance between him and his family, as if he did not seem fully part of it.

Did he work away and was he abroad for long periods?

I’m pulled to the lungs/chest area and although I sense a gradual but long-term deterioration, I feel he passed quicker than expected.

He does not hold anyone accountable for his passing and wants to thank you for being a constant source of love and support in his life.

VERDICT

My husband suffered for many years with COPD and during the last few months of his life he fought off many infections until his body eventually gave up.

He was an extremely private but very successful businessman whose work took him overseas for long periods.

He did not hold close family relationships due to this and he and his first wife divorced.

His daughters also attended boarding schools throughout their childhood.

After his death I did discover private paperwork that I knew nothing about which I am still coming to terms with.

I am glad he knows how much I love him.