Full of regret over conversation with mother

Dear June

I LOST my parents almost 17 years ago, within six weeks of each other.

I know how difficult it is to lose a parent but to lose two so close together leaves the worst feeling of abandonment and loneliness.

While my mum was in hospital having her gall bladder removed, my dad passed unexpectedly with his heart.

Although they were both in their late 70s they had remained in good health. After Dad passed, Mum just seemed to give up. We had words, which I now regret. Are they together and happy?

Aileen, via email.

June Says

When two people spend a lifetime together, it is very difficult when one passes away for the other to be able to pick up the pieces and move on.

It is inevitable that we all have to say goodbye to our parents but we pick ourselves up as most of us have our own families to care for.

It’s natural to feel lost after the death of a partner and in some cases the one left behind has been known to give up.

Their lack of enthusiasm and daily purpose never returns. Many would say they passed with a broken heart.

I understand why you felt the need to have words as it would have been extremely difficult to watch as she lost the will to carry on without your dad.

Try to gain some solace from the knowledge they are together, having been parted for only a very brief period and, one day, you too will be reunited with them.

Did your mum have a problem with her right hand?

I can hear a beautiful singing voice and sense this is also connected to your mum.

She was definitely the leader in their relationship and I get the impression the family was shocked at her lack of emotional strength to keep going after your father passed.

Your parents were inseparable and remain so after death.

I am impressed to say you are surrounded by articles and items pertaining to them. Do you live in the family home you once shared together? Does the number five hold any significance?

Your mum and dad do not want you to carry any regrets.

They love you and want you to know they are happy to remain together in spirit for all eternity.

VERDICT

Mum hadn’t had the full use of her right hand for years and at times it caused her pain.

She had a lovely singing voice as did many of us, as we come from a very musical family.

She was the backbone of the family and we did not expect her to give up without a fight as this was very different from her normal character.

I understand now that the pain was just too much for her to bear but I regret not fully understanding this at the time.

We do live in the family home we all shared with Mum and Dad and there are five of us in the family.