No smiles please . . . we’re British

PEOPLE seem to be getting excited about one of the great benefits of Brexit – the chance to get our good old blue British passports back.

Gosh, won’t that have made all the arguing and dividing the country so very worthwhile.

But if it does happen, maybe we could make one other change while we’re at it – one that might really make a difference to the kind of country we live in.

It will prove the worth of turning our faces away from Europe towards the wider world, because we’ll have Michelle Obama and Vladimir Putin to thank for it.

The idea came to me when those Russian hackers released an image of the First Lady’s passport. There she was on the info page, smiling broadly, happy and proud to declare herself an American.

Then I thought of my own passport photo in which – under strict instructions from HM Government not to smile – I look like a serial killer who’s found the fun has gone out of his work.

It sends the message, “Yes, I’m British and it’s rubbish so please let me in to your country for a bit of light relief because if you don’t I might thump you.”

So why do the authorities want

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us to look grim? I’ve looked into this and discovered some stuff.

First – the Obama passport might not be genuine. Second – but even if it isn’t, US State Department guidelines for passport photos say that a “natural smile” is acceptable. Third – UK guidelines forbid smiling because it confuses the facial recognition machines.

And that confuses me. How come a smiling American doesn’t baffle the computers? Is it because computers expect to see Americans looking happy but are shocked when a Brit tries it?

I think this says more about the attitudes of our respective countries than it does about computers. The US passport website shows a woman, not grinning like a maniac but showing her teeth in a friendly way, and gives it the thumbs up. Gov.uk says, “you must have a neutral expression and your mouth closed”. Sounds like the main requirement for British citizenship.

So if everyone in Britain really wants to be more outward-looking and optimistic, maybe it’s time we were allowed to put on a happy face.

At least for a brief moment in a photo booth.