Definitely not love at first viewing

Married at first sight, channel 4

THERE are some TV shows you feel could never have been made at any time other than this.

Although I never subjected myself to it, Naked Attraction (the dating show for exhibitionists) on Channel 4 was one such programme. Somehow you just couldn’t picture that sandwiched between Dixon Of Dock Green and This Is Your Life.

Likewise a show I did watch – Married At First Sight.

I freely admit I’m a sucker for the romantic cheese-fest that is First Dates (I’ll not hear a word against it, so stop grumbling), so I was hoping this would fill the heart with wee chirping birdies and fluffy bunnies.

But it was just weird and pretty uncomfortable.

If you’re not familiar with the format, basically some desperate (for love, fame, or both) young singletons agree to get married to someone they have never met before.

The first time they will clap eyes on each other will be at the altar.

Yes, that muffled whirring noise you can hear is the sound of Lord Reith birling in his grave.

It’s OK though, science is on their side as the couples have been matched up by various boffins and experts.

Ahhh – lovely, head-spinning, heart-melting DNA matches and psychological profiling. Romance isn’t dead.

It remains to be seen how it all pans out, but it’s probably best not planning what you’re going to get the young lovebirds (or should that be sciencebirds) for their golden wedding anniversary.

the x factor, itv

I USED to be a fan of this, I really did. Mindless Saturday night fodder, obviously, but it had its wee gems and some great performances.

Now it’s an ex-X Factor, hackneyed and tired, with the same lines trotted out by the judges. Thank the gods of Sky+ for the fast forward button.