The Grout Life with me and Felicity

I WONDER if Felicity Kendal would grout my shower?

I have, over the years, from time to time, I confess, thought of Felicity Kendal in connection with my shower, but rarely if ever has grouting been involved.

Last week, however, I was looking at the mouldy bits between the tiles and it was apparent someone was going to have to do something about them. Who would it be, I wondered. A silly question, because the answer would be, as it always is, whoever lost the best of 15 rounds between me and my wife. Because that’s what you do, you do it yourself, and have a lovely day out in the company of Mr B and Mr Q.

Then I reflected on how mind-meltingly boring grouting a shower would be. On a par with painting the skirting, stripping wallpaper or mowing the lawn.

So why do we insist on doing it ourselves? Because Felicity told us to, that’s why. Her and her corduroy husband, Richard Briers, in The Good Life.

Being virtuously self-sufficient in suburbia, in a lovably humorous way, Tom and Barbara

You do it yourself, in the company of Mr B and Mr Q

Good persuaded a nation there was more honour in doing it yourself than in getting a man in.

They persuaded us, not through the force of their argument for knitting your own food and building your own boiler, but because all the men fancied Felicity and all the women wanted to mother Richard.

Anyway, some 40 years later, it has been revealed unto me that the real heroes of that show were Margo and Jerry, the couple next door who thought the Goods were insane and worked to earn proper money so that they could afford a professional to do the tedious stuff, leaving them free to have an even better life.

OK, they weren’t as pretty or as funny, but they were right and we should have listened to them.

But we didn’t and now I think Felicity owes me for all the years of doing things around the house, badly, just to save money.

Mind you, she’s getting on a bit now and possibly can’t get down to the lower tiles.

I wonder if Penelope Keith’s got the name of a decent grouter . . .