Son’s death has left mother feeling distraught

Dear June

I LOST my 17-year-old son last year through suicide and I am devastated.

I cannot seem to get my life back together but feel I have to try for the sake of my daughter.

We were a close family as my husband walked out on us when they were very young.

I need to know my son is OK and has finally found peace. I love and miss him so much. It would help me if I knew he was safe with my mum and dad.

Janet, via email.

June Says

The loss of a child through suicide is one of the most difficult types of grief.

A mother would offer her life to protect them without a second thought.

Suicide brings so many questions and I understand your need for closure.

It is early days in your grief and you’ll feel as though you’ll never recover from the pain and heartache.

Take one day at a time and, every month, look back to see how far you have travelled through the grief.

As I make my connection with spirit, I’m aware of a young male (your son), an older lady and a small brown dog.

The older lady (a motherly figure) is strong in character and is protective towards your son in a loving way. I sense she passed with cancer.

I am shown a lilac-coloured room filled with photos of this young man, where a lot of your tears have been shed.

I’m aware of him having dark brown eyes and blond hair.

He shows me a striped yellow and red top – that must mean something to you.

I sense he passed in the home as the surroundings were comfortable and familiar to him.

He makes me aware of a note. I feel the urge to say you were a good mum.

You also have some of his hair in a small plastic bag.

He suffered from anxiety attacks and was very sensitive.

He is no longer physically anxious but didn’t realise the full impact his actions would cause and he is sorry.

He loves you and wants you to know he is surrounded by loving family members.

He will remain in your heart until the day comes when he’ll once again be in your arms.

VERDICT

My mother fought cancer and the small, brown dog belonged to her.

My bedroom is lilac and has many pictures of my son in it.

He was a good-looking young man with dark eyes and blond hair.

He was laid to rest in his favourite red and yellow striped sports top.

I found him in his bedroom after he passed and also the note he left said I was a good mum.

I have some of his hair in a small plastic bag.

He had always lacked confidence and suffered from anxiety.

I feel more settled knowing he is with my mum.