Your daughter is communicating with your mum

Dear June

I LOST my mum nearly four years ago and cannot seem to come to terms with it. We were close and, during her illness, she came to live with us. She had cancer 12 years ago and responded well to treatment but it returned and we all knew it wasn’t good.

She became confused and would wander outside during the night, so a decision was made that she go into hospital.

A few days after admission, she passed away during the night without us being there. We all feel so guilty.

June Says

We all feel guilt to some degree after the loss of a close loved one and most of us think we could have done more, visited more, been more tolerant – the list goes on.

None of us knows when a loved one will pass, otherwise the above would cease to exist and we would be so vigilant and caring around them.

When a loved one is ill and needs constant care, we have no long-term options other than to work and carry on with everyday tasks until we think it’s right to take time off.

Unfortunately, employers wouldn’t appreciate long-term absence and many can’t afford to take unpaid leave.

As hard as it seems, the world goes on and our heartbreak and sorrow can make us feel alone when everything continues on as normal around us and we try to hang on to some normality during our own emotional rollercoaster.

Sometimes it’s hard to make decisions regarding the care of those we love, but we have to distance ourselves from what we feel and make a decision solely on the facts and what would be the best care for them at the end of their life.

I am aware of a very strong character drawing forward. She makes me feel she had three kids but you were special.

She shows me two and then you standing alone, as if I need to separate you in some way.

I’m also being told she looks forward to you wearing the ring with the blue stone.

You have been struggling emotionally since her passing and she makes herself known to you through a younger female (do you have a young daughter?) who is able to see and communicate with her.

This is her way of letting you know she’s OK and arrived safe.

Her love for you remains unchanged.

VERDICT

You are right, we were all struggling to cope every day with carers and work and I felt guilty leaving her at times.

Of her three children, two were adopted but I was not and my mum used to always tell me I was “special”.

After Mum was cremated, I kept her ashes and I’m at present waiting for a ring with a blue stone being made for me from her ashes.

I have a six-year-old daughter who often tells me that she has seen her Nana and speaks to her.

I have heard her talking and laughing when she is alone in her room, playing.