Losing contact with grandkids since son’s death

Dear June

MY son passed away suddenly nearly five years ago and we were all still in total shock.

He left behind two young sons who at the time of his passing were seven and 10 years old.

He had been separated from his wife for three years but we still had good contact with his boys.

After his passing we saw less and less of them and last year they moved down south, which has made contact very difficult.

I wonder what he thinks about this.

Helen, via email.

June Says

The loss of a family member can bring relatives closer or, unfortunately, tear them apart.

I get the impression there is family connected to the boys down south and I also feel the move was not meant to cut off contact.

Reading your email, I initially thought your son might have been taken suddenly in an accident, but as I make my link I sense he had been ill for some time.

I am pulled to the lower chest area and feel there were on-going problems that led to his sudden passing.

Did he have blood-related issues?

I am also impressed to say he had just managed to turn his life around and was doing really well when he passed.

He was an extremely good dad who loved his boys and I feel they were a huge reason for his decision to live a different lifestyle.

I am aware he passed in hospital and there were three people with him.

Your son is very much around his boys and I sense from him that contact towards you will remain strong with efforts from both sides.

October is significant with your son but I feel commiserations as well as

congratulations are in order.

It’s always difficult when our children and grandchildren grow up, because they seem to become ships that pass in the night as they grow preoccupied with life and opportunities.

Your grandsons are at the stage of their lives where they are making individual choices as to what they want to be and achieve.

You have not lost them, they are merely growing up and you will find the contact established will be less in time but better in quality.

VERDICT

My son did turn his life around as he made a few wrong choices earlier in life.

He had hepatitis, which affected his overall health and he had been ill for some time, off and on, before he passed away in hospital.

There were three people with him when he passed.

He was a good dad, his boys were his world and he loved them very much.

He passed away in October and his oldest son’s birthday is also that month.

The boys’ other grandparents live down south and his ex-wife moved to be close to them.