Steven delivers a sucker punch to depression
WITH a loving wife, two gorgeous kids and a job that gives great satisfaction, Steven Fegan has it all to live for.
But the 33-year-old has told how he had previously reached such a desperate low point he tried to take his life not once but twice.
Salvation for the Kilmarnock man came through one life-saving phone call to the Samaritans and he’s speaking out for the first time as part of their awareness month.
Big life events, Steven reckons, played a part in setting him on the slippery slope to despair.
“I was struck down by a virus when I was 16 and it left my back and leg muscles so weak I need to use a wheelchair,” Steven told The Sunday Post.
“I don’t think I dealt with how I felt properly at the time and the feelings came back to trouble me more recently when my best friend took his own life.
“You have these feelings of guilt that you should have seen something, realised the hurt my friend was going through. And then relationships broke down within the family so it all came together.”
Steven said the feelings of hopelessness were so overwhelming he started to self-harm, cutting and starving himself and punching walls in frustration.
“Every day I woke I felt weak, and being a ‘man’ you’re supposed to be strong and meant to protect your loved ones. “I didn’t feel like that at all because all I was doing was putting the people I loved through misery and stress.”
Finally it all came to a head and Steven reckoned he couldn’t go on any longer.
“I just wanted the world to stop and I knew that since that wasn’t going to happen the only way out was to end my life,” he confides. “I didn’t see any need for me to be on this planet.
“I attempted to take my life twice. The first one was genuine, the second probably more a cry for help.”
It was then that Steven made that vital call to Samaritans, something he said was far from easy.
“I don’t even know what drove me to dial the number.
“I could hardly even say anything at first but the call handler was brilliant and there was no pressure on me to speak. Thoughts were flying round my head but I could feel that nothing I did say would be judged.
“And just by being on the phone it was stopping me doing anything else.”
Vital help from Samaritans combined with the support of family, friends and the medical profession helped to slowly turn things around for Steven.
He now copes much better when he spots the warning triggers of his anxiety and depression.
“I still probably struggle with talking about it early enough but I get there a lot quicker than I did in the past. It’s thanks to Samaritans that I’m here today,” added Stephen, who now has daughters Lily, four, and Erica, two, with wife Nicola,
Steven is now working with youths at Ayrshire College and last year became the first wheelchair-using boxercise instructor in the UK.
Visit samaritans.org or call 116123.