The diary of a mother left bereft by death of her Britney
‘You were so happy that night. I can’t understand why you took your own life’
TEENAGER Britney Mazzoncini took her own life in July last year after being the victim of a campaign of online bullying.
Since then her mother Annette has kept a daily diary, beginning on the morning of her daughter’s death, detailing the impact of the tragedy on her, her husband Raymond and their children Rhiannon and Bradley.
Many of her entries in this heartbreaking account are addressed to Britney herself.
The 16-year-old died after taking an overdose of anti- anxiety drugs she had been prescribed.
Since her death, Annette and Raymond have launched a Scottish Parliament campaign to help prevent teenagers overdosing.
JULY 7, 2016: Feeling heartbroken. Spent the night at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Glasgow while doctors tried to save my beautiful daughter. They spent an hour on Britney and I pleaded for them to try again. They tried again for 100 minutes in total but she has gone, taken her own life with prescription drugs.
JULY 17: This is something I never thought I would have to write, my daughter Britney’s funeral notice. It will be held on Thursday, July 21 at 2pm.
JULY 28: I am struggling to believe what has happened. I won’t accept we will never see Britney again. Can’t stop thinking that in some way I could have stopped you, Britney.
AUGUST 4: 28 days ago today you left me my beautiful oldest daughter Britney. It still only feels like yesterday. You were so happy that night, I’ll never understand why you took your life. I sit and wait on you walking through the front door but there is only silence.
AUGUST 10: We are being trolled on Facebook with ugly comments about Britney taking her own life. Why are people so cruel? I want to silence them but have got to the stage where nothing anyone says can hurt me anymore.
SEPTEMBER 10: Today is suicide awareness day but I don’t think we need a day for it. We need more awareness for suicide every day. Just over nine weeks ago I lost my amazing daughter Britney. I still feel completely in a daydream
OCTOBER 14: Mixed emotions as our daughter Rhiannon turns 14. I don’t know the words to use. Normally it would be Happy Birthday but that just doesn’t seem right. I know today is going to be hard sweetheart, your first birthday without your big sister.
OCTOBER 21: Britney’s birthday. I honestly don’t know where to start or what to write. I never thought a birthday would come when you wouldn’t be here. I want to wish you Happy Birthday but you are forever 16 in my heart. Happy heavenly 17th birthday. Would give anything to see and hear you again.
OCTOBER 31: Halloween and the kids had a good night trick or
treating. It hardly seems a year since you were helping them dress up Britney.
NOVEMBER 6: We all attend a mass at St Conval’s Cemetery for all those who died recently. I look to see how others are coping with their loss and wonder if I will ever feel happy again.
NOVEMBER 18: I can’t watch Children in Need because I know what it is like to lose a child. I am going to lock myself in my room. Need time to myself.
DECEMBER 9: So I let Bradley and Rhiannon put up the Christmas tree. They have been asking for days. It’s so sad you are not here Britney to help decorate it. Your baubles are on the tree though. I am OK but on auto pilot trying to cope.
DECEMBER 25: Today I’ve been mostly on autopilot. I keep thinking I’m going to see you today Britney. I want to say thanks to our family for inviting us to dinner. It’s what the kids need now.
JANUARY 2: Since Christmas Eve Venus, the brightest star in the sky, has been above my house. Tonight I take a photo it’s so bright, so calming as if you’re sending me love and strength.
JANUARY 11. Went to the carnival tonight sweetheart. It just wasn’t the same. No one dragging me on all the big rides and on to the next one before my head even stopped spinning. It’s 27 weeks since I heard you laugh.
JANUARY 19: I am just back from parliament petitioning them to
change the law on prescribing lethal drugs to teenagers. I was listened to. Actually listened to! Britney my darling, we will win this. I am calling it Britney’s Plea.
JANUARY 25: Such a strange day today. Seems I’ve not had a minute to think. Strange for a Wednesday as I’m normally hid away. Your headstone is up tomorrow sweetheart.
FEBRUARY 27: Raymond’ s birthday. Normally it would be happy day but I know you will find it hard. Your first one without your oldest daughter. I love you and you have been my everything for nearly 19 years now. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to get through each day.
MARCH 1: My petition to the Scottish Parliament is progressing. A lot of people are not
happy to impose an age limit but I am not giving up.
March 26: Mother’s Day. The cemetery will be filled with sons and daughters. But I am a mother who’ll take flowers to my daughter. Raymond and the children got me a beautiful ornament with a picture of Britney and me.
april 3: We are leaving after 10 years in this house. We just can’t stay here anymore without you. But no matter where we go you will always be with us. It’s just too hard to stay here sweetheart.
april 18: Been taking time out lately to deal with our GMC complaint. They have not found Britney’s GP wrong
in prescribing the drugs our daughter overdosed with. It’s so hard to accept. It won’t stop me working on my Scottish Parliament petition.
april 29: Our lovely Bradley this morning, getting ready to leave for a day out with his club. Swimming, rock climbing and lots more outdoor fun. Rhiannon has her friend’s party tonight and excited about getting her make-up done. A quiet night for Raymond and me. Love our children so much.
May 15: Watched Little Boy Blue on TV It’s heartbreaking. I use to wonder how families carry on. I know so well they don’t. Can’t help thinking of Rhys Jones’ parents.
May 23: Manchester Arena’s hellish bombing. As I light Britney’s candles tonight I will light one for the parents who have lost their son or daughter in last night’s horrible terror attack. Sending love and prayers to all.
June 3: At the waterfall at Rouken Glen. I want to say Happy 10th Birthday to our amazing son Bradley, I know it won’t be as happy as you’d like as you’re missing Britney so much. If anyone deserves happiness it’s you Bradley.
June 19: Today we ordered Britney’s flowers for her anniversary for her graveside. Soul destroying. It still feels like yesterday and certainly nowhere near a year.
July 2: Just back from visiting our baby nephew. He is so tiny and perfect. Britney would have been so excited. She and Auntie Christine were so close.
July 7: How can it have been a full year now? It feels sometimes like it was only yesterday. Would you be training for the police job that you so wanted by now? Or would you be learning to drive? There are so many things we feel robbed of, Britney.
If you or someone you know is concerned about suicide, you can call The Samaritans on 116 123.