My friend in need repaid my kindness by hurting me. Should I give her another chance?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie My friend has been through a tough time recently and I’ve been trying to support her.

Her marriage has broken down, she’s been off work and has understandably struggled to keep on top of things at times.

I’ve tried to be there for her as much as I can, to listen and take her out when she’s been feeling down.

We had a day out planned with the kids a few weeks ago and we’d all been really looking forward to it.

But with just a couple of hours notice, she cancelled, saying she wasn’t up to it and asked if I’d go on my own with the children.

The next day I heard from another friend that she’d been out with other people instead.

I felt really hurt, angry and taken advantage of, but knowing she’s not had it easy lately I didn’t want to have a big blow-up so I’ve just kept my distance since.

Now she’s back in touch and saying she needs support again.

What do you think I should do?

Maggie says After being so supportive to your friend I know you must be feeling very let down by her behaviour.

It’s hurtful to realise someone you trust is actually taking advantage of you.

Now it could be that her emotions are all over the place, perhaps she’s not sleeping well and not thinking straight.

But the bottom line is – lying to a good friend is unacceptable.

If she had been honest with you and said she was meeting another friend, you may well have felt a bit miffed about it but you would have respected her honesty.

When people are emotionally needy they sometimes forget the boundaries of decent behaviour.

They become a drain on their close friends and family and I think it’s time you had a good, honest talk with her about the way she’s behaving.

If she carries on this way she’s in danger of alienating the people who care about her.

Yes, she’s come through a difficult time, but she has to learn to cope with the reality of the situation.

She has to stop the “poor me” syndrome and realise life goes on, she has a family to raise and is fortunate to have good friends.

But if she continues to take advantage of your friendship that will be damaging.

Go round to visit her some night soon when the children are in bed and have a good honest chat.

Hopefully she’ll realise her mistake and you can both get back to where you were.

It’s important to be there for friends when they need us – but don’t be a pushover.