This is no Love Island ... best just switch off

SEVEN YEAR SWITCH (CHANNEL 4)

WIFE-SWAPPING certainly isn’t what it used to be.

In the late ’70s it was all too common for married couples to descend on each other’s homes to share Cinzano, fondue and their partners with each other.

A show called Seven Year Switch on the face of it looks to hark back to a time when partner-swapping was all the rage.

Four couples all swap spouses and the new pairings are forced to live together in their own Thai villas for a couple of weeks.

The hint of holiday romance makes you think the show has aspirations of becoming some sort of middle-aged Love Island-style raunch-fest.

The reality is less about saucy car-keys-in-a-bowl antics, though, than it is men and women with seven years of pent-up grudges whinging to a bewildered stranger about how their partner hasn’t been doing their share of the hoovering lately.

Special mention goes to George.

After much foul-mouthed resistance, he eventually learned to say thank you to his beleaguered wife for making him a cuppa.

This revelation was greeted with much back-patting, like he’d singlehandedly solved Fermat’s Last Theorem.

Swap your partner? If anything, Seven Year Switch will make you clutch on to yours for dear life.

THE SECRET HELPERS (BBC2)

If you need an antidote to the Seven Year Switch then The Secret Helpers (Wednesday 8pm) could be for you.

Ordinary people get tips via in-ear devices from sage experts, like an old nun or a Swedish yogi.

It’s the most heart-warming programme you’ll watch this year.