Family has split since my mum passed away

Dear June

After the loss of my beautiful mum two years ago, our family fell apart and hasn’t reconciled. I was the youngest and always remained close to Mum. I cared for her during the last two years of her life. I am totally lost without her and, as well as grieving for her, I feel I am also grieving for the loss of my siblings through our estrangement.

I love and miss her so much and know she would be very unhappy with what has happened in our family.

Carol, Dundee.

June Says

Unfortunately, what your family is going through is commonplace after the loss of a loved one.

In my experience, I have discovered in the readings I have conducted that the loss of a close relative can either pull a family closer or drive them temporarily apart.

Some of the most common causes for a split are disagreements over money and material possessions.

After the loss of a parent, each of the siblings will grieve in their own way and how they do so is dependent upon their characteristics.

The severity of their grief is dependent upon the relationship they held with the deceased loved one.

If they were very close or lived with them, then the loss could feel more devastating.

More often than not, once each family member has gone through their grieving period they will slowly start to draw closer to the family.

I get the impression your mum was a strong character and would have at one time been the person the rest of the family went to for advice or approval.

Family meant the world to her and she would’ve liked you all to remain close after her passing. She is aware of the issues that have arisen but is confident, given time, they will be resolved.

I am aware of a man with your mum who I feel was there to collect her.

They were very close and I get the impression he was very protective and always looked out for her. Their reunion was a happy one.

There is also a small sandycoloured terrier with them. Was it her dog or a family member’s?

Do not worry about her, as her view of the situation is of a much bigger picture than you imagine.

Know that her love surrounds you all, always.

VERDICT

Our family meant the world to Mum as she brought the three of us up as a single parent after my father left. She was a strong, independent woman.

She told us that no matter what happened to us, we were very lucky as we always had one another.

Mum was close to her dad growing up and, although he died when she was a teenager, she always talked kindly about him.

The terrier belonged to her when she was a girl and I have seen old photos of her with the dog.

I am glad she knows the full story of what happened and she can see us getting together in the future.