Maggie Listens
My husband is a serial cheater who betrayed my trust – I want a divorce
I’m married to a man that I want to divorce. We’ve been together for 15 years but he’s betrayed my trust so many times over the years.
I know he’s seeing another woman at work – he hasn’t denied it and when I asked one of his colleagues, they confirmed it. I’ve also found receipts in his jacket for jewellery or gifts that I’ve never received. His mobile phone is full of calls to this woman and when he went away on business recently, she went too. At home we’re sleeping in separate rooms and our relationship stopped being physical two years ago.
We barely speak to each other except when our daughter is around. She seems confused and withdrawn at times, so we try to pretend that nothing is wrong. Last week I tried once again to get him out of the house by packing his cases while he was at work, but when he came home, he somehow made it seem like it was all my fault.
Then yesterday, I overheard him chatting on his mobile with someone about declaring himself bankrupt, so now I’m really worried about our finances. Please help.
Maggie says
You are facing a very sad dilemma and I suggest you speak to a lawyer as soon as possible. If you are serious about wanting a divorce, you need to get the best legal advice you can on how to proceed. I know it’s very hard to deal with all of this – but it isn’t going to go away. You need to face facts and make decisions about your future. Your husband has been cheating on you – and not for the first time.
You don’t need to accept his behaviour. Clearly there is nothing left in this relationship. If you allow this to continue for much longer you will lose your self-respect and the courage to make a new life for yourself.
This isn’t the first time he has betrayed you – but only you can decide that it will be the last time. Make an appointment with your lawyer, tell him everything that has happened, listen to his advice, take notes and once you have the facts about what you are entitled to financially, tell your husband you want to talk to him. Think about whether you’d prefer this difficult conversation to be at home or somewhere else. Try to stay calm, controlled and practical.
You are laying the foundations for what can hopefully be a reasonable end to a marriage which hasn’t brought you the happiness and security you deserve.
Try not to be over emotional. The relationship is over. The respect has gone. It is sad and I know you are hurting badly, but in time I believe you will make a calmer, happier life for yourself and your daughter. Keep that goal in mind. The future can only get better. Good luck. I will be thinking about you.