SMILES OF THE WEEK

▼ ROMANCE SPOT

A Mills & Boon survey named Skye’s Fairy Pools as the most romantic spot in the UK. They’ve obviously not been there in holiday season.

▼ MOST A-MOOSING

A video of a cow chasing a policeman in Dalkeith went viral after it was shared on social media. We shouldn’t laugh – but even PC Ross’s colleagues described it as “udderly amusing”.

▼ Take meow-T

Wednesday is National Cat Day – but surely it should be three days later so they can call it Caturday.

▼ NOT DYING FOR A CUPPA

Boffins say drinking four cups of coffee daily cuts premature death risks by two thirds. We’ve never needed an excuse for more cappuccinos or flat whites!

▼ BLUMEN EXPENSIVE

Heston Blumenthal’s upmarket gin was beaten in a taste test by a £10 Aldi bottle. Oh go on then.

▼ LARGE ONE, PLEASE

Speaking of which, a booze firm in Aberdeenshire last week mixed the world’s largest G&T – at 875 litres. We hope they went to Aldi.

▼ SWEET THING

National Plum Day is on Saturday. Someone send us plum jam, please!

▼ mummy madonna

Madonna has insisted in a magazine that she’s “no different to any other soccer mom”. She’s on the cover in underwear. Just like any normal mum?!

▼ Summer fun

A study says 56% of parents in Glasgow find the summer holidays the most stressful time of year. Grit your teeth mums and dads, not long to go now!

▼ wine Time

Carol Vorderman was asked for ID when buying wine in M&S. We salute you, lovely Carol! But maybe the assistant needs a wee trip to Specsavers...