58? So what? Is a mother’s age really so important compared to the love she has for her baby
AScottish woman has become the mum of a bouncing baby boy. So far, so normal. Carolyne Ness, though, happens to be 58. The subject of older mothers crops up in the news every so often. It’s controversial and always seems to spark a lot of debate. It can be emotive, too, no matter what side of the argument you take. Before Carolyne’s story hit the headlines, my feelings had always been based on my own experience of being a mum. I was lucky enough to have my boys in my 20s and, whenever one of these stories hit the headlines, I’d always thought I’d never be able to cope with having a baby in my 50s. I wouldn’t have the patience or energy to be a mum starting out at that age. After listening to Carolyne tell her story, I wouldn’t say my opinion has changed entirely. I’d always advocate having children at a younger age if possible. Sometimes, though, life doesn’t always work out that way. Carolyne didn’t meet her husband until she was in her 30s and when she was 40, a doctor told her she had unexplained fertility. She tried to become pregnant and it just didn’t happen. And then she found out she didn’t meet the age requirements for IVF treatment. Her marriage broke up and she moved from Fife to Sydney to start a new life. But still, she wanted to be a mum. She was devastated to reach 50 and not have a baby. So she went to India for “embryo adoption” treatment. Listening to Carolyne tell her story, I could totally empathise with what she was saying. Isn’t the important thing that a child is part of a loving family? That growing up, it will be loved and cared for? There’s no guarantee that younger parents will do a better job. Of course there are drawbacks to being an older mum. By the time Carolyne’s child is leaving school, she’ll be drawing her pension. But we have to accept the world is changing. People are often getting married later, we’re living longer and our health is better for longer. Being 58 now isn’t the same as being that age 50 years ago. Our attitudes and lifestyles have changed. After everything Carolyne has been through to become a mum, I can’t imagine her ever being anything but a loving mum to baby Javed, too. She’s thought about the future, too and the fact she might not be around for as much of Javed’s life as she’d like to be. A younger sister and her best friend, who is a decade younger, have said they will care for Javed should anything happen. Let’s wish Carolyne all the best. Besides, I don’t see any fuss being made when older men become dads, do you?