Maggie listens
My daughter-in-law now says marriage was a mistake. Do I give her a piece of my mind?
Dear Maggie
My son is in a complete state as his wife of only six months thinks she may have made a mistake in getting married so young. Also, because she needs space to think things through, she has forced him to sleep on the sofa. This has been going on for a couple of weeks and he doesn’t know what to do for the best, so I suggested that he move back home for a while. However, although the sofa is uncomfortable he thinks his best chance of mending things is to stay put and help her get through this. She is only 21, and he’s 24, but how can you go from loving someone enough to marry them, to fewer than six months later changing your mind? I’m so angry I want to have a chat with her and point out a few things.
Maggie says
I know this must be a very worrying situation for you. Every mother wants their son or daughter to find happiness in their marriage – but sadly it doesn’t always work out that way. Right now, I know you want to “fix” the situation but the truth is you can’t. The best thing you can do is give them the space and time to work out their problems. If your son moves back home with you, it will look to his wife as if you are taking his side. This will just increase her feeling of resentment and could lead to further difficulties. Your son wants to stay at their home, even if that means sleeping on the sofa, and that’s a positive sign. Clearly, he wants them to work through their problems together. I know you want to talk to your daughter-in-law yourself – but I’d strongly advise you not to do this. You are angry because your son is hurting, that’s only natural, but it’s not what his wife needs to hear right now. She’s confused, not sure if she has made the right decision, and lecturing her will not help the situation in any way. You find it hard to understand how someone can go from loving their partner, marrying them and then changing their mind within six months. Yes, it does sound immature – but no matter what age we are, our emotional life doesn’t always catch up with the number of years we have lived. Hopefully they will find a way to work through their problems as a couple and may end up stronger because of it. Hard though it is for you, learn to keep your distance. Be there if they need help but don’t be judgemental or play the blame game. If they get through this, your daughter-in-law will appreciate that you didn’t interfere and it will create a strong and loving bond between you both – and that’s something your son will appreciate.