Francis Gay

A sideways look at life:

We were talking about the point in life where you stop being the product of everything that has happened to you and everything people expect of you, and start actively being the person you want to be.

Pat could identify the very moment that happened for her. She was at an Elton John concert. She loved his music and was buzzing with the excitement of the event. She wanted to show it, to really let herself go. But, she was afraid of how it might look, what others might think.

Then she realised, no one, not even those closest to her, were actually looking at her. They were all watching Elton. So, she got up on her seat and she danced her heart out.

“I’ve been dancing my life like no one was looking ever since,” she told me. “Because, mostly, they aren’t.”

Or, if they are, they’re probably wishing they could dance like Pat!

Abuse and a family division has left Jennie – at 67 – making big changes in her life.

I met her just after a meeting with a debt adviser.

Not a happy time, but she still had a glow about her.

“Was the meeting useful?” I asked.

“It was the best help,” she told me.

A woman, about a third of her age, had helped sort out some issues.

“She gave me housing advice,” Jennie said, “and made sure I was getting all the financial aid I was entitled to.

“I told her all I’d been through, told her I understood why some folk won’t talk to me. I said I was letting the hurt go, I forgave everyone, and I was excited by what was to come. And that’s when she helped me!”

I raised an enquiring eyebrow.

“She got up from her desk. Gave me a hug. And said she was proud of me.” I thought Charlie was showing me his wedding ring, but he removed it and pointed instead to the groove that years of wearing it had left around his finger.

“Marriage has re-shaped me,” he said. I agreed it had done a good job in more ways than one. Then he showed me the gold band. His work and lifestyle had left more oval than round.

“And I suppose I have had an effect on my marriage as well,” he added. “Hopefully, in a good way.”

It was a powerful point, simply portrayed. No one should ever go into marriage without understanding that it will change them. But they also get to play a role in shaping the finished, hopefully lifelong, relationship.

Most importantly though, as Charlie slid the wedding band back on, I noticed that the reshaped band fit the reshaped finger perfectly.

Graham doesn’t live in the nicest part of town.

He has the ground floor in a building set between a football ground and a pub. The streets around him are full of buy-to-lets that house a transient population. His wall was regularly a target for graffiti.

He could have moved, but he didn’t. Instead, he commissioned artists to create a mural all across the front wall. He gets it changed every year. He’s had a music theme, an outer space vista and now, as winter kicks in, he has asked for a tropical island.

As a result, a street that people avoided now has regular visitors coming to look at this unusual house. And the works of art are rarely vandalised.

Graham is proof, for me, that where you live doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you live!

I gazed into the mirror, And what did I see there? My face etched with deep lines, And silver was my hair. The lines are “lines of laughter”, This phrase I often hear, But it only takes a laugh or smile, To make them disappear!