Maggie Listens

Resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton

Dear Maggie A few months ago, our 20-year-old daughter told her dad and I that she was gay. It came as a complete shock to both of us. She is at university and it was there she met this other girl who is also gay and they now want to live together. I was stunned at her news and I really didn’t know how to handle it. I tried to put a face on things and not overreact. We’ve met the girl several times and she is very pleasant and friendly and it’s clear they are happy together but, I’ll be honest, it has come as a blow to her dad and I. It means that all the things we expected in the future – a wedding day and grandchildren, may never happen. I just don’t know how to handle this.

Maggie says Many parents feel exactly as you do, so don’t be too hard on yourself. We all want life for our children to be as happy as possible, but we have no right to define the nature of that happiness. If your daughter has found this with a partner of the same sex, then try to understand and accept her decision. If she feels you are judging her and are unhappy about this situation, it will create a lot of tension now and in the future. I understand you feel you may miss out on certain traditions but same-sex marriages are now common. You might still have a wedding to look forward to one day. Try to be as welcoming and accepting of both of them as you can. Love comes in many forms and we have no right to define what it should be for anyone. In the past, same-sex couples faced much heartbreak from judgemental attitudes. Thankfully, today, as a society, we are much more open and accepting. This is progress. If your daughter knows you have welcomed her partner into your lives, it will be a source of great happiness for her. And isn’t that the most important thing?