Outnumbered but never outbunned: Another tycoon on the art of the deal
Media billionaire Logan Roy is not, of course, the only megalomaniac business titan to have been played by Brian Cox. Before Roy, there was Bob Servant, Tayside burger king and man about town.
The BBC sitcom, written by Neil Forsyth, has since inspired a Twitter account revealing the steely grit, sparkling wit and commercial wisdom of Broughty Ferry’s tycoon vanner.
Here are just a few . . .
To the young bucks setting up the “gourmet burger” van in Brook Street. The harder they come the harder they fall. Welcome to the Thunderdome. You have poked the bear and you’re a long way from home.
A genuinely haunting acapella performance of Islands In The Stream with the Sunday paperboy this morning. That lad can find notes that set off dogs in Fife. As I tell him, when his voice drops I’ll be devastated on an artistic level but delighted for him personally (he’s 28).
20 years ago today, on a sunny day in Broughty Ferry, I turned to the most beautiful woman in the world and said: “Sod it, let’s get married!” Yes it was reckless, but I’ve never once regretted it. Even though the woman said no and asked me to go and sit somewhere else on the bus.
Apologies to all who saw today’s incident. A result of heat, a busy van and my shorts shrinking in the wash. Searing my undercarriage on the grill was painful but I know my technique for easing the pain left many of you upset. Particular apologies to the child whose ice cream it was.
Drinking White Russians with a largely blameless divorcee who has her own transport, weekend access to a German shepherd and who, from a decent distance, looks a bit like Cagney from Cagney and Lacey’s mum. And they said I’d never make it!
I’d like to apologise for my outfit at our “Roman Nights” event on the van last night. It was meant to be a fun fig leaf arrangement. While I only forgot to wear one leaf, I fully admit that it was the most crucial leaf of all. I will learn from this. That is not the man I am.
Raising a glass to all those who fell in Dundee’s Cheeseburger Wars (1979-1982, 1984-86, 1st April 1988 aka “The Day The Spatulas Wept”). Age will not weary them. Born to Burger. Always outnumbered, never outbunned. RIP.
With a heavy heart, but for the good of the nation, I have today written to Her Majesty The Queen asking her to prorogue the “gourmet burger” van in Brook Street.